


Love Bytes

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Consent Issues, Consent Issues Everywhere, Cybersex, M/M, Step-Sibling Incest, Switching, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 19:48:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 34,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4317540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Virtual reality for the common person has allowed everyone the chance to build their world the way they want.</p><p>All Loki wants is Thor back in his life.</p><p>All he wants may not be all he gets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little like a dark cousin to another of my works, [Simulation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1714268). Except...stranger. And full of even more questionable decisions.
> 
> Not quite finished yet, so posting may be erratic, but I hope you enjoy it.

Virtual reality. It was the future, or so they said. And the future is now.

Loki sometimes wondered what the inventors of the tech had meant it to be used for. Sure, it had practical applications, plenty of them too. These days pilots trained in simulations so realistic that they got jetlag, and it was becoming more and more common for surgeons to have their first brush with a corpse only after something had gone wrong on the operating table.

But mostly, it seemed VR was firmly in the realms of leisure. Fully immersive movie experiences. Games played on 360 degree treadmills to give the illusion of walking, manipulating brain signals to trick the body into feeling sensations without real damage. Office blocks rented the kits for team building exercises - paint ball without the travel, or the clean-up. Or, like Loki did, you could use it to simply add an additional layer to your home. Put on your headset and interact with everything as normal, but just...a little more like you wanted it to be.

However, like most things, it didn't take long for the sex industry to get hold of it and find some interesting uses.

Buy the right kit and download the right mod, get some physical equipment, and pretty soon you could be having virtual sex with whoever (or whatever) you wanted. Law makers wereconfused at first - after all, fantasy was not a crime - but waves of moral outrage about potential unsavory activities meant such practices were quickly banned for the average citizen. There were a few lisenced brothels here and there. Campaigners argued that it was better than prostitution. After all, they could provide no-strings sex with your choice of the pre-made models without even the risk of an unpleasant disease. No trafficked workers. No injuries or murders by clients. Really, it seemed like a better and safer option all around.

But every day, it seemed another scare story appeared about VR. People who had developed rickets from never seeing the sun, cases of muscle wastage, malnutrition... Loki was pretty certain most of it was exaggerated. But then again, he knew all about going to work, coming home, and immediately signing himself into his own virtual world.

He'd spent hours on it. Many people would have thought it boring, since he'd effectively just left his home as it was. No fancy carpets or hovercars or gold-plated house. No virtual pet even. There was one crucial difference he'd made though.

Thor was still around in this world.

And he was Loki's pride and joy.

He wasn't quite perfect - no VR character ever was, but Loki had coded every pixel as expertly as he could. It couldn't be right, not really. Thor might have changed a lot in the five years since they'd last seen one another. But he was nearly photo-realistic and Loki's headset could generate warmth and almost convince him that they were sleeping in the same bed. Like they used to do. Before.

His voice was worrying. It was close enough to pass, but sometimes Loki grew concerned that he wouldn't recognise Thor's real voice if he ever got a chance to see him again in the flesh.

And as for the kinds of desires he felt for his step-brother...

Loki didn't own so much as a kissing unit. The idea of disembodied plastic lips in his home did little for him. And his headset carried the standard shutdown of any attempts to direct sensation to the genital region. He could have masturbated, had his Thor talk dirty to him and get him off, but that wasn't exactly what he wanted. He wanted what he'd had before, or a close approximation. And although he loved the artificial warmth of his VR Thor's hugs, the fake brush of lips against his face, he really wanted to see what going further would mean. Whether he would like it or not. And there was only one way to test that.

He'd stumbled across a card for VRité ("We make your dreams come true!") outside his local bus station on the way to work in his dull call centre job. And something about it suggested that this was just what he wanted to experiment with. "Bespoke experiences" it promised. Couldn't get much more bespoke than what he wanted.

It took a long time to build up the courage to call the number neatly printed in deep red ink. And he was a little surprised when a man answered it. He'd been expecting a machine.

"Hello, you've reached VRité - we make your dreams come true. How can I help you?"

"Uh... I want an...appointment, I guess."

"A consultation or a session?"

"I... Both?"

"Alright. You'll need to set aside about two hours for the two in one, and depending on your needs it could cost you up to 180 for your first sesh. I can offer you...Tuesday at eleven or four, or Friday at five. Unless you can make tonight at seven? Had a cancellation."

Loki glanced at the clock. He worked early shifts by choice, finishing in the afternoon rather than the evening. Plenty time to go home and go out again. He shakily agreed, trying not to give himself any reason to change his mind. He wanted this. It was happening.

He easily reached his quota of calls for the day. This job was strictly a means to an end, a way to buy food and afford his tech. And maybe part of him still hoped that, one day, the voice on the end of the line would be Thor's.

It was a stupid hope. He was one of a thousand employees, making millions of calls a week. The chances of them being connected was microscopic, and that was if Thor was still even in the country. He could be anywhere really.

And Loki had tried to find him. It just seemed like Thor didn't want to be found. Even now, a flash of blond hair or a loud laugh could have him rushing up to strangers on the street, stammering apologies afterwards once he'd realised his mistake.

He rushed home and threw a memory stick into his main hard drive, copying a version of Thor across before grabbing a dinner of bland cereal and a quick shower. No need to make this experience any more potentially gross than it already was.

The building that apparently housed VRité surprised him. He'd seen VR brothels on the news, all sweeping velvet curtains and patrons wandering around in headsets, drooling over models that the cameras couldn't see. It wasn't a name scrawled by a buzzer outside a crumbling three-storey block.

Loki pressed the buzzer anyway. A camera blinked into life like it was appraising him, inspecting this visitor.

"Hello there," the same man's voice came from a tinny speaker. "You my seven o'clock? Right, third floor. C'mon up."

Another buzzer had to be activated for him to get in. This place wanted to be secure and Loki wondered why exactly that was, especially with their license displayed prominently by the door.

A light-haired man dressed all in black, like an undertaker of dignity, came to shake his hand and lead him over to a desk. Something about him put Loki in mind of heroes from old movies, all suave despite the sleaze.

"Alright," he said. "I'm Fandral, and I'll be personalising your experience today. Just a few questions before we get started. Name?"

"Eh... Loki."

He was almost already blushing, he could feel it.

"You use this kind of establishment often?"

"No. First time."

"OK. Do you want me to explain how this works or do you understand the basics?"

"I..."

"Right, well, first of all, you will decide what exactly you want in terms of positioning and bodily features. Unfortunately, until they start giving us interactive robots to play with, your girl is always pretty limp, so I have to go physically position the hardware and you won't be able to change positions part-way through, so choose wisely. While I'm doing that, you'll have free reign to pick out facial features, complexion and hair colour and so on from the databank, totally customisable, and choose your preferred tone of voice, accent and vocabulary."

"Vocabulary?"

"Basically whether you want 'Fuck me harder, I'm a dirty fucking whore' or 'I love you so much, you make me feel so good.'"

Maybe this had been a terrible idea. This Fandral guy didn't seem fazed by anything. This was routine for him. This was a mistake.

"So..." he was continuing. "Shall we talk bust size?"

"I don't want a woman," Loki blurted. "And I... I brought my own."

He proffered his memory stick, Fandral taking it dubiously.

"It's not a kid, is it?"

"What?"

"Your model, it's not a model of a kid? I don't do that kind of thing, man. Strictly legal. Gotta look over 16 at least."

"No, he's... He's 22."

_27._

"Precise. Alright, I'll boot him up. And he's human, right? I mean, I'll do anthros but I like a bit of warning, and it costs more."

"Anth...?"

"You know, those humanoid animal things. People with fur and tiger heads and so on. I'll make 'em. Not my place to shame if people want a bit more bite. It's just a nightmare trying to get the hair clean afterwards."

"No, he's... He's a regular human.

Fandral made a few clicks and went quiet, looking at his screen.

"You made this?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"It's good. Like, really good, man. You a professional?"

"Just a hobby."

"Right. Well, he shouldn't be a problem. Tall and broad, that's fine. I'll get rid of the bosoms. Sorry, it's just been a while since I've had a guy requested and I just assumed. I hope you're not offended."

"Not at all."

_Yes, quite a bit._

"OK. I think I've got the right stuff. You want hands and knees?"

"Missionary."

Fandral hesitated.

"The model... He won't be able to wrap his arms around you. It'll be like he's lost the use of his upper body. I could... I could lash him to the bed. That's quite popular."

"No. I want him... Relaxed. Comfortable. I want to see his face."

"Well, you're the boss. It'll be a little while. Choose your vocab setting and then go to the waiting room just over there. And put the headset on while you wait. I find it helps with the illusion. When the green light comes on, just step through the door. He'll be all yours."

Loki's hands shook as he slipped on the headphones and loaded the vocabulary options into Thor's voice profile to listen to them.

The first was clearly a porn rip. And though it did excite Loki in a basic way, it sounded bored and routine, nothing like what Thor might actually say.

Not that the second one sounded like him either. It was too lovey-dovey. Sure, Thor had always been quick to mention his feelings, but not in this sappy way. He was too passionate for that.

There was an option for silence, and for choking, but he didn't want those. Eventually he selected the most basic one. No big love declarations and no fake enthusiasm, just soft moans and breathy cries, words of encouragement, neutral terms of endearment. It wasn't perfect, but it would do.

And then he was in the waiting room, foot tapping lightly as he stared at the little light above the door, waiting for it to change from red to green.

Waiting to open the door.

Waiting to have Thor again.


	2. Chapter 2

After what seemed like an age, the green light shone. Loki leapt to his feet, but then hesitated, unsure he wanted to go any further. But then again, Thor was on the other side. His Thor, with all his virtual memories intact.

He pushed at the door, and gasped.

Thor smiled at him from a bed, biting his lower lip slightly, one hand beneath his head and the other lying loose by his side, relaxed and comfortable like he'd requested, face just as handsome, chest just as broad. The arrangement of his legs didn't seem likely, spread apart, knees bent and propped up, his hole open and shiny with lube.

That was something Loki hadn't seen for five years. On anyone.

"Hello," he said, unsure.

"Hi, baby," came the reply. "Why don't you get undressed?"

Thor didn't call him baby. Hadn't, anyway. But maybe he could just ignore that. Loki slipped out of his clothes, careful not to dislodge his headset and shatter the illusion, cock hard already at the sight of him, and climbed onto the bed to kneel between Thor's legs.

He could run his hands up fleshy thighs, soft and smooth - too smooth really. He could see the body hair, but not feel it, which was a thoroughly strange sensation. But Thor's eyes were flickering shut and he was letting out pleased noises and generally appearing to enjoy this very much.

Easing the legs further apart, Loki settled in, smiling down at his big brother, leaning in for...

Oh. Huh...

He made a mental note not to kiss like that again. The taste of antibacterial gel did nothing to help his suspension of disbelief.

"Stop stalling," Thor breathed. "Come on. Get in me."

It was warm inside. Thor was warm inside and Loki groaned happily as he slid in, Thor tilting his head back and crying out.

"OK?"

"Mmm. Mm, it feels nice. More."

Loki took a firm grip of thick hips and began thrusting, long and firm, making Thor moan with each one.

"Yeah, like that. Oh..."

It was good, so good. He could do this forever, driving deep into Thor, a glorious physical representation of their love that still couldn't even scratch the surface of what they meant to one another. This had been a wonderful decision.

"Thor... Fuck... Oh, I've missed this. Miss you so much."

A slight frown.

"I'm right here, baby."

And suddenly it wasn't alright. Suddenly it was awful. Loki almost sobbed. This was the nearest he could get to Thor now - an artificial pile of plastic and metal, an unmoving, unmoved partner.

A sex toy with a speech function.

But an effective sex toy. It was doing something, starting to clench down around his cock rhythmically, making his hips stutter. Good. He actually wanted this to be over.

"Oh... Oh, baby, I'm gonna come. So good."

Loki reached for Thor's cock, thinking they could at least go over the edge together, a little something like old times.

His hand passed through nothing. There was nothing really there to touch.

Thor cried out and appeared to come, an image of spill on his stomach, his hole tightening and milking an unsatisfying orgasm from Loki. He knew he'd climaxed, but he barely enjoyed it. And Thor was panting and smiling up at him, arms still in the same place like they were stuck there. No. He didn't like this. This was expensive, sad masturbation that he could be doing at home to his memories.

Loki kissed Thor once on the cheek before grabbing his clothes and retreating to the waiting room, ripping the headset off and taking advantage of the sink and wetwipes provided to clean up.

"How much do I owe you?" he asked at the desk, unable to keep the disappointment from his voice.

Fandral handed him his memory stick instead.

"That's some seriously good coding work," he said. "Me, I'm OK at builds, but you've got a real skill. I've actually been looking for someone like you. Could I offer you a job?"

Loki blinked and let out a brief laugh.

"No, I... I really don't..."

"Guaranteed better pay that your current post. Unless you're a doctor or some shit, I can't match that. And free use of the tech any time we don't have customers."

"I'm really not interested."

Fandral seemed genuinely crushed and Loki wondered how desperate he was to find help that he'd started approaching clients with working opportunities.

"Can you at least tell me what's wrong with my guy-on-guy experiences? I don't get many, but they all come out looking like you. Disappointed."

Loki sighed heavily.

"It's just... It's pretty obvious that what you've got in there is a cis-woman kit built for men who want something that doesn't really exist. So there's no body hair at all, there's no imperfections to make it feel real... There's no life. It feels plastic, all of it. It says, 'Here is a pussy. Fuck it. Nevermind who's attached to it.' And for straight guys looking for meaningless sex with an impossible woman built to their exact specifications, then that's probably fine. Probably great. But... For a start, he... He didn't have a dick."

"He... What?"

"He didn't have a dick. I went to jerk him off and my hand went through air. Kinda hard to stay in the moment."

"But why would you...?"

"Because I wanted him to... To come."

Fandral frowned and turned to his computer.

"He didn't come? That's weird. It's programmed to."

"No, he did, but... But I didn't help. When you have sex, don't you... you know, try to make sure your partner comes? Don't you want them to enjoy it? Maybe your clientele don't. I'm only vaguely acquainted with the clitoris, but I do know about it and how apparently difficult it is to figure out. I guess here you can build one of those lucky women who can orgasm without it. I just... Look, I get what this place is. It's a brothel, it's a place to use flesh to get off, it's not a place for emotions. And that's not what I'm looking for. So how much do I owe?"

"We could make it," Fandral insisted. "I swear, with your insight, we could build the realistic gay sex-bot of your dreams. I don't know any establishments that cater to the men-who-love-men community, not in the way you're suggesting. Seriously, this could be a gold mine. You need to come work for me."

"I'm really not sure..."

"You could build him. Your model. Exactly how you need him to be, exactly which words you want him to use, exactly how you want him to feel physically. And you could make the sleazy world of VR sex that little bit more inclusive."

"With all due respect, I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life building fancy sex toys."

"How do you want to spend it?"

Loki hesitated. Really, he wanted to spend it with Thor, the real Thor, or his coded version if that wasn't possible. A job was a way to get money, not an aspirational thing.

"Let me just give you my number," Fandral said, scrawling it on the back of a card. "Give it a week. Think it over. You could be bringing joy to... Well, not hundreds of people, but several. And no payment till then, OK?"

It was pretty obvious he wouldn't take no for an answer, so Loki accepted it and almost scurried out to run home and boot up.

His virtual world was exactly the same as his real one and laid out over it. Virtual couch in the same place as regular couch, virtual and regular kitchen and so on. Interacting with it was just the same as real life, except that Thor was there too.

And there he was, sitting on the couch and smiling, maybe with a little concern in his eyes.

"You're upset. What's happened?"

Evidently while it could get in, no memory got out of VRité. Thor had been here all day, the same as he always was.

"We had sex," Loki said. "I took you to a VR sex shop and tried to... You know, do it with you."

Thor nodded slightly.

"You didn't like it. Was I bad at it?"

"You were fine. But it didn't feel right. Nothing about it was right. But I got a job offer."

A bright smile.

"Loki, that's wonderful. Where?"

"In the brothel. The guy wants me to code and help him build new models. Ones that aren't exclusively for people who don't like anything natural."

"Like what?"

"Leg hair. Cellulite. Tongue kissing. I don't know. It was all very plastic. Use anything apart from your dick and you knew it wasn't a person. Not really. And the words they had programmed automatically were nothing you would ever say."

"It doesn't sound fun. Why did you go?"

"Because I... I wanted to try to make love to you. But I can't. And that's alright. I love you just the way you are."

"I love you too. And you'll always have memories of before."

Yes. He supposed he did.

It was already getting towards night-time, and so he got ready for bed, the familiar warmth coming from the other side, just enough to fool his brain. And though Thor had always been heavier than him, not feeling the bed dip with additional weight had long since stopped bothering him. And as long as he didn't touch the fabric, he could forget that there wasn't really anyone under the blanket with him.

"Would you be happier," Thor asked suddenly. "If we could have sex the way you want it?"

"It's not... It's not necessary."

"But you want it."

"I don't need it."

"That's not what I asked."

Loki sighed.

"I honestly don't know if it would make me...anything. I do miss it sometimes. But at the same time, I'm not sure if it will ever match up to the memories. I've tinged them all rosy and perfect and I have to remind myself that it wasn't like that."

"How many others are there, do you think? People like you who want something so specific?"

"I'd imagine very few."

"Alright. But I think you should consider taking that job, if it will give you a way to make something you want to happen actually happen."

Loki thought about it far too late into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Loki dreamt of Thor. The real Thor. Before he'd gone away.

It always ended the same way, with him melting away to dust in Loki's arms.

The reality had been almost disappointingly under-dramatic. No huge fight. No screaming row or terrible betrayal. Just... Waking up to find Thor's bags packed, his lips pressed tightly together, tears in his eyes and not even an attempt at an explanation.

He had no idea why Thor had walked out on him. His phone had stopped being an available number a few days after he'd gone and even when Loki called his parents, it seemed they had no idea where he was permanently staying. They could confirm he was alive and apologise that they were unable to provide a phone number. Loki supposed he ought to be glad of that reassurance at least. His own mother would have been no help at all had he been the one missing. Not that she wanted anything to do with him anymore.

Sometimes he wondered if their parents' divorce was his fault. Thor's biological mother, Jord, had died when he was a toddler and it wasn't until he was 16 that Laufey had moved in with Odin, bringing 15-year-old Loki in tow, all long limbs and awkwardness, big eyes and sharp words.

"Be nice to Thor," Laufey had urged. "He could be your big brother soon."

Thor had been nice. Too nice maybe. Loki had tried desperately to ignore the way he felt around his new step-brother, the way his heart leapt if their fingers so much as brushed together, how he felt shivers down his back whenever Thor spoke to him. He'd told himself it was nothing, just hormones, just fantasies, the lure of forbidden fruit.

He made it several months in the same house - and through the wedding - without anything more than the occasional hug. Nothing more than brotherly affection.

But then Thor had started acting weird. Getting in trouble at school in a way he never had before. Nothing too serious, but enough that he ended up grounded and Loki had to stay home to 'supervise' him while their parents attended some kind of neighbourhood get together. He'd felt completely ridiculous having to play authority figure to his slightly older step-sibling.

Loki remembered it like it was yesterday. Thor pouting and grumpy in a way that just wasn't like him, flaunting the rules, putting one foot outside and daring Loki to come drag him back in.

And Loki had. And Thor had fought. And they ended up on the floor and...

"For fuck's sake, Loki. Just kiss me already. I know you want to."

"What? What, no, I..."

"Shut up. I hear you through the wall at night, saying my name when you jerk off. It's OK. I want you too. Come on, do it. Kiss me."

And so he had, he'd slammed their lips together and shoved his tongue deep into Thor's mouth, pouring his frustration out and practically humping him into the floor, grinding against his step-brother until they came in their underwear, gasping against each other's necks.

They'd both been 16, Thor a few months off his next birthday still, when they'd first slept together. It wasn't great. They had no stamina for one thing, no idea what they were doing, simultaneously too much lube and not enough. Not in the right places. Loki hadn't been able to sit down without wincing for a day and a half, spinning some story about pulling a muscle to cover it.

A while later - on Thor's 17th birthday - after some covert research, Loki decided they ought to try again, slower and more careful.

And that time, it had been magical. Dirty sex magic, but magic all the same.

He could still taste those first kisses, the first mouthful of flesh, the first spurt of come at the back of his throat. Could still hear how Thor had moaned and whimpered and gasped out his name, fingers tearing his hair as he tried not to wake the whole house.

The world hadn't ended. They were together, the perfect sons while their parents were home, the perfect lovers when they weren't. And they were praised for getting along so well, for adapting to no longer being only children, grinning secretly at each other and sharing little brushes of hands under the dining table. Thor had gone to the local college to study mechanical engineering, insisting he didn't want the debts of living elsewhere, but really because he didn't want to leave Loki. They managed to hide it for years.

But then one mistake. A stupid mistake. That's all it was, just a mistake, forgetting that Laufey's art class wasn't on that week.

Thursdays were their days, when Odin went to a language night class, trying to improve his German, and Laufey went painting, leaving the house free for whatever the boys wanted to do.

They were in Loki's bed, nude on top of the covers, Thor sitting against the headboard, groaning as Loki swiveled his hips in a practised motion.

"You like that?"

"Mmm. Do it again."

"Yeah? Like this?"

"Ooh, _Loki..._ Fuck... Yeah, go faster. That's it. Yeah. God, you're sexy. So fucking sexy."

"How do you... Ah! How do you know I'm sexy if you're not looking at me?"

Thor had smiled, keeping his eyes closed.

"Because I can feel how sexy you are."

"Which bit feels the most sexy?"

"Your tight little asshole, of course. Just right to take a cock all the way in."

"I don't know, yours is pretty good at that too."

"Your dick is joint-first."

There'd been laughing kisses for that.

"Look at me, Thor. I want your eyes on me when I come."

"Oh, wouldn't miss that sight for the... Oh, fuck, stop! Stop! Shit!"

And then Thor was frantically trying to push him off, grabbing the blanket to cover their naked bodies and Loki had turned and met his mother's horrified eyes, her mouth open in shock at seeing her son happily moaning and riding his step-brother's cock.

There had been yelling. A lot of it. No matter what Loki said about being an adult - and technically he was, being over 18 by the time they were caught - she wouldn't listen.

Words were thrown around. Hurtful words. Things like 'coerced' and 'forced', 'corrupted', 'advantage'. All against Thor. And that wasn't fair. They'd done it together. It wasn't his fault that they loved each other. Not just his.

"This is what happens when a boy grows up without a mother," Laufey had said.

"What, he fails to develop a strong enough Oedipus complex to combat being gay?" Thor snapped.

She'd slapped him for that. And she'd told Loki to pack up his things. He'd refused. And then Odin had...

He'd told his wife to leave their sons alone.

Loki was still amazed by it. He'd found that Odin had often been a little emotionally distant, but when he asked if they loved each other and wanted to be together and they responded positively, that seemed to be enough for him.

"After all, you're not blood related," he said.

Maybe the oddest thing was that Thor seemed to have grown used to having a brother, despite the true nature of their affection. 'This is Loki, my brother,' he would say. 'Step-brother.' Loki would correct him. In a strange way, they had two relationships rolled together, brotherhood and love. Loki didn't like to think too deeply about that.

And for a while, that had been that. Laufey left. She filed for divorce. Odin insisted that it wasn't anything to do with them, said they'd been growing apart for a while. It was pretty obvious that his acceptance of their sons' psuedo-incestuous relationship had tipped her over the edge though. Eventually he and Thor went to live together by themselves, around the same time that Odin began dating again. And then, after over three years of mostly happiness, Thor left without any warning.

18 months earlier, Odin had married his new girlfriend, Frigga, who had been accepting if a little weirded out by the precise relationship of her new step-children. And now they had Balder, the miracle baby, born long after she had assumed her chance for conception had passed. A sweet kid. What their relationship was called eluded Loki. They were...step-brothers probably? Brothers-in-law perhaps?

He just hoped Balder would be luckier in love than his siblings had been. Or at least that if he found someone, he'd be able to hang onto them.

Really there was no reason for Odin and Frigga to stay in contact with him, but he still got the occasional call or email just checking in.

Maybe they thought that one day Thor would go back to him and they would be a united family again.

He wished he had their faith.


	4. Chapter 4

"I've been thinking," Loki said to Thor as he had breakfast. You weren't technically advised to use VR in the morning, especially if you'd fallen asleep in your headset, but he wasn't one to listen to the standard warnings. Not when he could have Thor with him as often as possible.

"Ooh, careful. I've always thought that kind of thing was bad for you."

Loki smiled wryly. Thor always said something like that.

"About the brothel. I mean... I went in there trying to recapture something I can't have anymore and it just upset me. But that's because it didn't meet my expectations. So...maybe there are others like me. Not just wanting something that feels human, but to be able to bring their own models in. Or who want something with a bit more emotion. You know?"

"Not just meaningless sex with a fancy toy."

"Yeah, I mean... Something more personal. And maybe I'd be able to help with that. I don't know if I'd cope with it though, so many people. Maybe I could just give it a shot as a trial thing? Part-time?"

Thor nodded thoughtfully.

"Would you be able to give me memories of it? If you were more successful?"

"Probably. I mean, I'd want you to remember. Feel a bit weird if there were two of you, one at home and one I... You know."

"One you fucked."

"Yeah. Erm. I'll call the guy later then. Don't wait up."

The sensation of lips against his cheek lasted until he took the headset off, absentmindedly running his hand through the patch of air that Thor had appeared to occupy just moments before.

He snuck off from his desk at lunchtime, fishing the business card out of his pocket and dialling.

"Yeah?"

"Er... Hello, Fandral? It's, er... We met last night?"

"Oh, hi. How's it going? You had time to think about it?"

Loki hesitated, spinning the card between his fingers.

"Yeah, I want to... That is, I'd like to take you up on your offer. But I can only work evenings, I'm afraid."

He could hear the wide grin in Fandral's voice.

"Seriously, man, that's great. We should celebrate. Let me take you to dinner."

A long awkward pause, Loki trying to think of how to respond.

"Oh! Er..." Fandral said. "Not like that. Oops. Sorry. I meant as...you know. Business associates."

"No, I... I get it."

"Nah, I've made it weird now. Come to the studio. We'll get take out."

Which was how Loki found himself back at VRité for the second night in a row.

It was weird. The delivery guy from the local Chinese restaurant didn't seem remotely fazed by the buzzer systems, and Loki wondered how often Fandral ordered food to this place. Or maybe he was a client. You never knew.

"I'm not gonna pretend here," Fandral said through a mouthful of rice. "Business hasn't been great recently. I do need help pretty urgently, while I can still pay the rent and the specialist taxes. I mean, I thought bringing in the whole bespoke thing might do it, but..."

Loki held up a finger until he'd swallowed, not wanting to spit flakes of duck everywhere.

"It's a really good idea, you just need to go further. Not just a drop-down menu, but expressly built for the customer. And maybe... Try to make it feel a bit more emotional. If that's what they want."

Fandral chewed thoughtfully and pointed with his complementary chopsticks.

"Loki, are you one of those people who built a VR model and then fell in love with it?"

"What? No, I... No."

"I don't know, man. You sure? You seemed to care for your guy a lot. And I'd hate to think you were leading him on, making him think you like him more than you do..."

He was kidding. He was clearly joking, but Loki wanted to nip this off early.

"He's based on someone I love. Loved. Someone I lost."

There was a deeply uncomfortable pause.

"Oh. Man. Well, now I sound like an asshole."

"You didn't know."

They ate in silence for a while longer before Fandral cleared his throat.

"Well, now that things can't get much more awkward, shall we talk dildos?"

Loki choked and Fandral had to slap him hard on the back.

"You OK? I just want your opinion before I buy anything. You being the relative expert here. I was thinking these ones in a variety of sizes."

Oh, God, he had a catalogue. It was from some kind of sex shop, full of costumes and fluffy handcuffs and then in the last few pages, all the toys. A myriad variety.

"What's this...reservoir, 100ml? What does that mean?"

"Great, right? You said one of the biggest problems was that you didn't feel like he'd come? Well, these ones have a little space that you fill with some kind of liquid and given the right treatment... Flllluuuuuuttthhhhp."

"Right. And they're suitable for..." Oh, he couldn't believe he was going to say this... "They're suitable for bottoming as well? The...liquid is OK for internal use?"

Fandral stared at him.

"You... You think people will want to put it inside themselves?"

His face was practically glowing with embarrassment.

"I think that they should have the option to experience that, yes. I mean, what if you have women come in wanting to use it? You've got to be careful about infections and irritation. I know all the toys are sterille but, still. We need to think about that kind of thing."

"Women? Nah, we don't get any girls. They're not into this kind of thing."

"Yeah, because it's not advertised to them. Or because no-one makes the right equipment for them. But women have sexual fantasies. Some of them probably want to act stuff out. And I mean... I feel like if I was a woman and someone told me I could have shame-free sex with my choice of person, probably going to come, definitely not going to get pregnant, I might consider it. He won't be violent. He won't be selfish. He won't call you a slut afterwards or give his friends the dirty details in the bar later. This is much better than fucking men."

"But women just aren't... You know. Into that."

"Of course they are! Some of them. I mean, no offense, but I think a lot more straight women would be into casual sex if more straight men didn't treat their sexual partners like trash."

"Wait, why no offense? You don't think I'm one of those guys, do you?"

Loki hesitated and Fandral laughed.

"I'm just messing with you. I think you might be on to something here. Knew I made the right decision. You're a visionary."

Loki was about to mumble something about how they were just ideas when the buzzer sounded. Fandral turned his head slowly towards it and then tiptoed over to pick up the handset, surveying the man picked out on the camera screen.

"Yeah, Ray. What is it? You don't have an appoint... Yeah, I know. Alright, come up, but it'll take me a while. Nothing's set up."

He turned to Loki apologetically.

"Ray's something of a regular. And I do need the money. But, hey, let me just load up his usual model and you can maybe make some tweaks while I'm laying out the hardware."

Ray looked at him uncertainly when Fandral said he was the new coder, but dutifully sat down in the chair opposite. His usual model had red hair, long and thick, pale skin and unnervingly green eyes. They were the first thing Loki changed, moving them down to something a little more natural-looking, adding some hazel tones. Next, freckles, sprinkled liberally over her nose and shoulders. Her teeth were unnaturally perfect, so he altered them to something slightly less uniform, and he gave her a little flush to her cheeks as well, a little glow of excitement.

"How's this?" he asked, turning the screen.

The man stared for a moment.

"Don't know. See when I'm in there."

Apparently she passed muster. Around ten minutes later a decidedly less put-together Ray was pushing a twenty into his hand as a tip. 

"Fandral, hold on to this guy. He knows how to do things. Looked like a real person, not those creepy dolls you normally see. S'good. Real good."

Loki couldn't help but feel a little proud. No-one had ever praised his work before. Not so emphatically anyway.

Maybe he could get used to this after all.


	5. Chapter 5

By the end of the month, Loki had tweaked several regular's prefered models. Mostly he was successful, though one gentleman was upset that he had 'dulled' her eyes. He hadn't realised that aquamarine was actually the colour he wanted and not bad coding.

"It's really weird," he said to Thor, trying not to notice the gap in sensation around his crotch where his virtual step-brother's head was laid in his lap.

"In what way?"

"Well...just I feel awkward I suppose. It's not like saying, 'Hey, what do to think of this model, realistic, huh?' Or even 'Do you think she's pretty?' No, it's saying 'Here, I built this character specifically for you to have sex with. Will it get you hard?' I'll get used to it, it's just difficult to forget that people are having sex in the next room."

"Can you...hear it or anything?"

"No, it's all soundproof. Thank goodness."

"And how about the other things?"

Well...

Fandral had had quite a delivery. A variety of different phalluses ranging from the realistic to the downright terrifying, a drum of non-toxic, white, viscous liquid, and various sleeves to give the models touchable body hair. He'd already had a variety of pubic wigs, some clients preferring things au naturel as far as could be when fucking a virtual person. Loki had also been fixing some of those particular images, blending colour hues and reducing shine a little, trying to make the hair look less like it was glued on or coloured in with marker pen.

Yes, for someone with little interest in the female form, he'd been seeing a lot of them recently. One or two customers told him he had the best job in the world, getting to build hot women and get paid. He hadn't had the heart to say that even if he were building people of his preferred gender, it wouldn't matter. Only one body had the power to arouse him these days.

And then there was...

"Fandral's bought a fucking machine," he said.

"A what?"

"It's a crank with a dildo attached, basically. For the as-yet-untapped market of people who want to be penetrated. I'm not convinced, I have to say. I mean, there's a bit more to it than just in and out. And we'll have to rig it to follow verbal commands like 'harder' or 'wait'. And we'll need... It'll need hands. No-one just stands and fucks with their arms hanging by their sides, there has to be some... gripping of hips and thighs. So I was thinking about prosthetics. Those bio ones where grip is controlled by electrical imput. We could program it. And then... Well, then the possibilities open up. We could have models wrap their arms around the clients, touch them, all sorts. But it's a lot of work. A _lot._ And probably expensive. I don't think it will work without it but the money just isn't there. We are the cutting edge of virtual sex and there are no grants for our research."

"You should start off with riding as the only positioning option. Beta test it. See what the interest in it is, build up some money that way first."

That was actually a really good idea. He'd mention it next time he was VRité.

"You know, I found out what happens to the...byproducts. How they're cleaned."

"Thoroughly?"

"Well, yeah. But part of the liscencing states that any human...you know, fluid has to be securely disposed of as medical waste. There's a man who comes to collect it and he is the happiest person I've ever met. Name's Volstagg and he comes on a Friday, has take out with Fandral and replaces the vat."

Thor sat up, staring at him in mild horror.

"The vat?" he repeated. "Are you telling me there's a vat of...mixed sperm just sitting there? Oh, that's gross. That is seriously disgusting."

"It's not like we have it on display. All those biohazard signs would put people off. It's safely tucked away. And it's actually a really interesting process. The cleaning unit is all automatic. It has a vacuum to clean out the fleshlights before they get put through a kind of industrial dishwasher type thing and finally they're flash-boiled to properly disinfect and sterilise ready for their next use. Ooh, speaking of disinfection, I managed to get the gel we use on the mouths before each session changed to an odour-less type. No more gross kisses. It's just wet, like the real thing."

"Well, yay for you, with your kissable lips and disinfectant and terrifying barrel of come..."

"It's a _vat._ "

"And you are tired. Time for bed."

"I'm fine."

"No, you wouldn't be teasing me with such gross stories if you weren't tired."

"I tease you all the time."

"You're tired all the time. Come to bed."

Thor was forever telling him to go to bed these days. Did he really look like he wasn't getting enough sleep? Certainly, his evenings at VRité were getting longer and longer, because in a strange way he liked it. He enjoyed building the models and he liked Fandral. It was nice to be around someone so open and talkative, once you got past the sleaze. And he liked how readily he'd been included in little rituals like the end of month accounting and the Friday night take out.

It was nice to have friends.

He'd gone too long without them.

Really, he ought to quit his job and just work there full time since he liked it so much, but he didn't want to make that leap only for their business ventures to fail. He didn't like the idea of having to explain that to his landlord.

"Good news," Fandral said to him a few days after Loki had suggested a trial period for the penetration tech. "I have specifics for a male model to be built. Mentioned to a friend of mine that we were branching out, got us a tester."

"Great. What kind of man does he want?"

" _She_ has written some instructions."

Loki took the neatly folded piece of paper from him and tried not to look worried.

He'd never built a model for a woman before.


	6. Chapter 6

The instructions were...thorough.

"This, er... Have you read this?" Loki asked.

"Oh, God, no. No, that would be unnatural."

"But she's your...girlfriend?"

There was a beat of silence and then Fandral threw his head back laughing.

"Sorry, just imagining what a horrendous parallel world that would be. No, we're old friends. She's been trying to get rid of me for years, but I'm a clinger. I think we might have made out once at a party, but I don't remember if we did and she wouldn't ever admit it. Don't even mention that that thought crossed your mind, she'll string me up for it. But you can build this guy, right?"

Loki looked back down at the looping handwriting.

"Of course. And for hardware she requests a little chest hair, solid abs and, er... The medium squirter."

"Really? She doesn't want the big one?"

Loki shrugged. "It's the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat."

Fandral headed off to start on setting up as Loki loaded up a base model to adapt from.

_I want a muscular guy - not scary big, but definitely likes sport and works out. He should be clean shaven or have a thick beard - just no stubble rash, thanks! A good sized cock but nothing huge, I want fun not injury. Minimal chest hair, but it should be present. Brown eyes. No particular racial preference - surprise me. But he must have a sweet face, a warm smile, good teeth. A rich, resonant voice. I want him to be called John - he should answer to this name. Vocabulary: nothing degrading, but a little bit dirty. I want him to say I'm a love goddess, not a filthy slut. And he should say my name with wonder in his voice. Good luck, Mr Coder Man!_

Even if he said so himself, Loki felt he did a good job. He created a man with dark skin and an open smile, joyful eyes and lush, tightly curled hair, a physique that was somewhat slender, but heathly and strong.

"What do you think?" he asked Fandral, swinging the screen round on his return.

"I think you're a genius."

"What's your friend's name?"

"Er... Sif. Why?"

"Because she wants John to say her name with wonder."

"John? You named it?"

"No, she did. That's what she wants him to respond to."

He was busy altering one of the standard vocabulary settings, checking it for any slurs and making the pronouns fit, carefully adding Sif's name to it and testing that it sounded right in the default voice before editing the pitch down.

"I hope she likes him."

"Loki, he's literally her fantasy man. She'll love him."

He wasn't sure how he'd expected Sif to look, but he couldn't say he was surprised by the beautiful woman who arrived, all toned muscle and casual grace, dark hair held back in a rough ponytail.

"So," she said, nodding towards Loki. "This is the miracle worker?"

"Wait till you see, Siffy. He's practically crafted a god just for you to have your wicked way with."

"I'll remind you that I'm doing you a favour."

"Would you...like to see him?" Loki asked. "Before, I mean. Check that you're happy with him?"

"No, I want to get this over with," she said, dumping her coat on the spare chair. "Especially since I'm not getting any foreplay."

"He is programmed to...talk to you. If that helps."

"Hmm. Maybe. Which way?"

They pointed and sat in silence as the door to the waiting room closed behind her.

Perhaps 40 minutes passed, Loki running some upgrades and making a few additional base models to pass the time and Fandral playing some game on his phone.

He was about to ask if they ought to knock on the door and check Sif was alright when she emerged, hair loose, cheeks glowing and face clearly just wiped down in the sink.

"How was it?" Fandral asked.

"If I smoked, I'd be needing one right about now. That was...almost everything I could have wanted. He was..." She chuckled breathlessly. "Mmm. Yes. I want one for keeps. I mean, it would have been nice if he'd touched me, but I realise the tech has its limits. His eyes, though. I wanted to drown in them."

"But you think it's viable as a business venture? You think women will like it? I mean, you were in there a long time."

"There was a beautiful man who didn't get soft, so I went three times. And yes, I think it's viable, with one or two minor changes. Firstly, warm up your cocks. There I am, all ready and willing, and it's like an icicle. Not sexy, fix that. Secondly... You're going to have to employ a woman."

Fandral frowned. "Why?"

"Because - and no offense, Loki - no woman in her right mind is going to trust this set-up if there are only creepy men here. You might be traffickers or you might have secret cameras rigged up to film the whole thing or it might be a trap that you're luring them into and there's a real-life pervert in the room who's going to attack them for daring to have sexual desires of their own..."

Loki thought his eyes must be the size of saucers they were so wide.

"So," Sif was continuing. "You need a woman to set their mind at ease."

"What, and women are never traffickers or perverts?" Fandral demanded.

"Statistically speaking... Look, I know I'm fine with it, but that's because I know you. How about having a ladies' night? One night when only women come and they get to consult with another woman and there are no male clients around to make them uneasy."

"Well...when are you free to take up the job?"

"Me? No, no, no. I'll pay for the services, but I'm not working here."

"Well, do you know anyone who might fancy it?"

She frowned slightly. "Yeah, maybe. I'll ask around and get back to you."

And that was how they met Jane.

She didn't seem like the type to want this job. She was pretty and demure, dressed very casually. But she needed the money. And she considered giving women satisfying experiences to be a good cause.

The first ladies' night, a Thursday, slots booked only by friends of Sif and Jane who'd been convinced to give it a try, was an unexpected success. Loki was sat in another room with Fandral and a variety of phalluses being warmed under an electric blanket while Jane relayed instructions to them via instant messenger.

There were a variety of body shapes and appearances requested, some of them no doubt based on real people, if idealised versions of them. A lot of the women wanted fictional characters too. Which was fun for Loki, but less fun for Fandral.

"What do you mean, a vampire? With fangs and everything? I don't have fangs lying around. Who wants fangs in their sex lives?!"

"The people paying good money for the service," Loki said, giving their undead model some prominent blue veins under transluscent skin.

"The tiger teeth. I'll use the anthro tiger teeth..."

They made a lot of money. And some clients even booked in for the next week. It would be cause for celebration, if they hadn't been so drained.

"Jane, welcome to the fold," Fandral said, dividing the surprising tips between the three of them. "Come back after nine tomorrow night and have take out with us, really become one of the crew."

She smiled widely, saying she would, definitely, as she left to go home.

"Shouldn't you be heading too?" Fandral asked.

"No, I thought I might load up my model. See how the new tech works with him. Test out the improvements"

He'd had Thor sitting on a memory stick in his pocket all day.

"Alright. Remember to clean and lock up afterwards."

Fandral left him alone to choose his hardware and fit it in place before he plugged Thor in and put on the headset.

"Mmm," Thor sighed, face down on the bed and legs slightly parted. "I was starting to think you didn't want me here."

"I just wanted it to be right."


	7. Chapter 7

He'd done a lot of fiddling with the tech. Plug his memory card back in at home, and his Thors would sync. They'd share a memory. Effectively they'd be one person.

"Aren't I getting a hello kiss before you ravish me?"

Loki crawled onto the bed, aligning their bodies and bringing their lips together. Oh, yes, this was better. He could almost believe in this.

"I don't ravish," he murmured. "I make love very carefully and gently."

"Liar."

"OK, fine, but I only ever ravished you when you deserved it."

"Mmm... But for punishment or reward, I wonder."

Virtual hair was nice. Perfect to nuzzle into without stray strands getting up your nose, that wonderful, silky texture...

The smell wasn't quite right. But he could probably fix that later.

He reached down and lined up, Thor moaning as he slid home, effortlessly gliding inside.

Loki had grown sloppy. He knew he had. Five years without practise had rather messed up his technique. So there was no finesse to his thrusts, no skill, but he was still able to get a response, a steady stream of cries and soft, happy sighs and every motion made Thor move a little, giving the perfect illusion of grinding against the bedsheets.

"I'm so glad we're finally able to do this," Thor said. "So glad you want me like this."

"Wouldn't have ended up here in the first place if I didn't."

"Mm. Harder. I want it harder."

Distant knowledge that that was just a vocab option didn't stop Loki from doubling his efforts, rewarded by far louder responses until he was right on the edge.

"Fuck, Loki... Oh, I'm gonna come so hard. Come inside me. Fill me up."

That was all the encouragement he needed to let out a long moan and succumb to the clenching all around his cock, leaning around to capture Thor's lips again once the pulses had subsided.

"I love you."

"I know."

He wanted to stay. He wanted to lie here next to his love. He wanted Thor to roll over and kiss him and touch him, move, be real and warm and alive...

But instead he had to take off the headset and be faced with reality.

This plastic wasn't Thor. But it was the closest he would ever get.

And now he had to pack things away, put his fleshlight into the cleaning unit, fold up the wires...

At least he'd put Thor face down so he didn't have a phallus to clean, or any other wiping down to do once he'd put the head away disinfected.

Could he live like this? He wondered as he went home and synced, watching as Thor opened his eyes and smiled, stretching as though he'd just got up from their session and nodding towards the bedroom and sleep.

He probably could.

It wasn't quite what he wanted, but it was better than what he had before. Wasn't that progress?

The next night, take out Friday, Jane told him of a new idea she was thinking about for Ladies' Night.

"Double-ended ones and strap-ons. For the women who want to peg their guy, or who want to do it with another woman. We should be as welcoming as possible. All consenting adults welcome."

Somehow this was his life now, thinking about these things, ordering supplies of fake spunk and lubricant, testing out smell replicators on himself, laughing with Fandral about some of the odder requests.

He fell into a routine. Breakfast with Thor, work, home to change and eat, evening at VRité, Ladies' Night, sex with Thor, Friday night take out and vat collection, rinse, repeat.

And he was happy with it. Very happy. Friends, money, something other than his hand to get off with. He'd even tried out penetration with Thor, finding it not quite the same as the real thing, but good enough when he was in the mood for it.

Everything was fine. Good. Pleasant.

Until the day Fandral called him up sounding completely panicked.

"You'd better have an explanation for this, Loki. What the fuck, man?"

"What? What have I done?"

"Your model just walked in the door and booked a fucking session. In both senses of that expression."

Loki felt his heart stop for a moment.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki rushed up the stairs, slamming his key card hard against the entrance pad, not caring that he was clearly interrupting a consultation with a regular customer.

Fandral made him wait longer than necessary, taking his time to set up the hardware for the session before turning to look at him with distrust in his eyes.

"You said he was dead, Loki."

"No, I said I had lost him. I meant that he walked out on me with no explanation. You just assumed he was dead."

"Oh, come on! Everyone knows that's what that means!"

"How was he?" Loki asked desperately. "Did he look well?"

"See for yourself."

He make a few clicks on his computer and brought up the security footage from the door camera.

And there he was.

Just a few seconds of video, but Loki was ready to weep. His hair had grown long - well, longer - and he seemed quite tired and in need of a big meal, but it was definitely Thor.

It was all he could do to resist reaching out and stroking the screen.

"I think I freaked him out," Fandral said. "Staring at him like he was a ghost."

"What did he want? What does he want in his session?"

"Well, you won't believe this, but I asked and he just handed me this rather nice picture."

It was him. And not five years ago either. No, this was more recent, a photo he'd sent to Odin and Frigga at Christmas on request. Which meant Thor had asked for a copy, or they'd sent it on, knowing he'd want one. Maybe he'd asked them to get one for him. However he had it, he'd printed this picture to bring here and request a session with...

With him looking very much as he did now.

"Oh, no," Fandral said. "No way. I see that look and no. You are not going in there and pretending to be a model built to look like you."

"Why not? He wants me. He brought my picture."

"No, he wants a virtual you. What if he wants to slap it around? What if he wants to verbally abuse it, you think you could lie there and take that? Pretending you feel no pain?"

"I can handle it."

"What about safety? How long have you been apart? How do you know he's not slept with someone else and caught something? And that's just your safety, what about him? Tricking him into having sex with you is rape, Loki. You can justify it any way you like, that's what it is."

"Can it be though? I mean, he wants it."

"No, he came here to pay for a service. He walked out on you, remember? Now, I'm not saying that was your fault, but there was a reason. There had to be. If he wanted you back, he'd get in contact."

He knew it was wrong. Everything about this was wrong. But this might be his one chance.

"When's his slot booked for? And what positioning does he want?"

"Loki, no..."

"Let me do this, or I walk. You can try and find another coder who will do my work for this pay. Good luck. It's not like I want to trick some random, this is my..."

Step-brother. He almost let it slip.

"He's not your anything, Loki. You don't own him or his feelings or his decisions. You built a version of him, fine, you own that, but not him. And besides, he... Are you even listening to me?"

"No. You're not going to talk me out of this. You'd crash and burn without me and you know it, now tell me what he wants."

Fandral sighed in defeat.

"He wants penetration. Of himself. He wants to ride you. No requests for how your arms are, so pick a comfortable position. Standard vocab. It's tomorrow. Last slot of the night. And don't you dare blame me when one or both of you gets hurt."

Tomorrow.

God, tomorrow.

He was barely present selecting out features and voices for that night's clients, his mind only full of the next day.

He'd need make-up. He had to cover any freckles or moles that Thor might recognise, that scar on his left thigh, anything and everything distinctive. And he'd have to be very careful not to reveal himself by accidentally saying something too real.

He fell asleep without even switching his headset on at home and rushed out to the store first thing in the morning for foundation and intense breath mints and deodorant. He couldn't smell or taste like himself.

Work was hell on earth, watching the clock, counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds... And then running down to VRité and having to sit through four other sessions before Fandral looked over to him, face full of disappointment.

"Right. If you're gonna, you should... You know. Get ready."

He should have practised. He was terrified that he'd be found out, that Thor would take one look and know.

And he didn't know what to do with his arms.

Lying still, one hand casually by his side, the other curled invitingly on the pillow, he lay in wait, goosebumps running over his skin, cock hard and leaking with anticipation.

As the door swung open, he held his breath.


	9. Chapter 9

He'd been so confident once upon a time. They both had. All those carefree days together, those times when the world was built for them and practically nothing could stand in their way.

Those times when Thor held no secrets from him, when his face was open and earnest and...

And nothing like this.

Thor crept into the room furtively, casting an eye over Loki's body and nodding, though whether in approval or otherwise he couldn't tell.

And then he yanked off the worn t-shirt he was wearing and Loki had to hold back a gasp of surprise.

He was thin, so thin, _too_ thin, thinner than he'd ever been. And he had large tattoos on his chest, twin ravens flying forever on his pecs. Those were new. What relevance did they have? Any? Or had Thor just wanted them?

He had to use all his will to hold steady and not break character, to resist the urge to grab and hold and sob.

Oh, Thor, where did you go? What happened to you?

"So do you talk or anything? Sorry, I'm new to this."

Shit, his voice. He'd have to disguise it somehow. He carefully flattened his vowels, keeping his tone neutral.

"If you want me to."

Thor reached out and it was all he could do not to flinch as he brushed soft fingers against Loki's thigh.

"God... The tech really has come on, hasn't it? You're almost real."

"Thank you."

Thor chuckled and finally looked up at his face, swallowing hard.

"I really shouldn't be here," he said quietly. "This isn't right."

Loki blinked helplessly.

"There's no obligation to continue if you change your mind."

Yes, that sounded suitably robotic. Like a standard pre-programmed response.

"No, it's... You look like somebody I shouldn't want anymore. Someone I've spent a lot of time training myself not to want. But... Well, everyone relapses once or twice, don't they?"

What was he talking about? Relapses and training? Why couldn't he want what they had? What was wrong with it?

There was no time to think on such questions. Thor was hoisting himself onto the bed and swinging one leg across, lining himself up and carefully lowering his body down and down, letting out a long exhale.

"Christ," he muttered as Loki tried to keep himself under control. "Oh, God, I forgot... Forgot how good that feels."

He wasted no time, slamming his body forwards and back, no concern for anything but his own pleasure. Why would he? None of this was real, as far as he was concerned. Loki moaned with every action, sounding like he was programmed for it without trying, automatically crying out at the sensations.

"Fuck..." Thor breathed, a hand on his cock. "Fuck, fuck... Oh..."

Loki wanted to grab those wasted hips, wanted to hold Thor close and never let go, wanted to be kissed...

That was what he missed most, kisses during sex. They used to have it down to a fine art. If Thor would just lean forward...

"How do I make you...go off? I want to feel it."

Loki blinked once.

"Just keep going," he panted. "Enough motions and it will just happen."

"Mmm... I want to feel it, but... Oh, fuck, I can't..."

He gasped, hand rapidly stroking his cock as he came across Loki's stomach, his motions slowing and stopping as Loki held back his frustrated groan.

"Sorry. Next time," Thor muttered, easing himself off before shaking his head. "Talking to a fucking machine..."

Loki forced himself to keep perfectly still until Thor had picked up his t-shirt and left the room before seizing his cock to finish himself off, running a finger through Thor's come and bringing it to his lips.

He still tasted the same.

Dazed afterwards, he collected his clothes from where he'd hidden them under the mattress and listened carefully at the door before stepping into the waiting room to wipe himself down.

Fandral looked at him in disbelief.

"Can't believe you did it, man. Can't... You alright? He didn't hurt you or anything?"

"No, he... He was the same as always just about."

"So...hypothetically speaking, if he were to have booked in another session...?"

"He did?"

This wasn't a one-off. Thor wanted more. Really did want a next time. There could be...more of this. He bit his lip, wondering if he could justify keeping up the pretence long-term.

"Or you could build a you. Seems like he can't tell the difference anyway."

But Thor moving above him, crying out, saying he wanted the sensation of being filled, of Thor coming inside him...

"When's he booked for?"

Fandral sighed.

"Same time in two weeks. Which gives you plenty of time to get a complete medical and bring it to me. I'm uncomfortable enough with this as it is, I'm not letting you pass on or contract chlamydia or something..."

Two weeks.

After five years of nothing, it ought to feel positive.

It felt like a lifetime away.

"So... What's the deal with you two?" Fandral asked. "I feel if I'm going to turn a blind eye to this, I should have a little background."

Loki sighed heavily.

"We... We met when we were teenagers. Not even a year apart. And we were together for five or six years, living together, all of it. And then one day, he just left. No idea why. And I tried to find him, but couldn't and I... Not to sound sappy, but he was the love of my life. I don't know how else to explain it. There could be no-one else for me."

Fandral narrowed his eyes.

"No... No, there's something else here. But I guess I'm not hearing it tonight. Fine, keep your secrets. I guess I'm ordering you to bring me the results of your sexual health tests. You've got to keep something back I guess. Need clean up?"

"Fresh sheets maybe. I'll do it."

He threw the laundry on, five used sheets in a huge drum, and set it going, remaking the bed ready for the next day before locking up and heading home.

He called the clinic to make an appointment before falling into bed, tossing and turning a little before reaching for his headset.

"Hi," Thor whispered, materialising next to the bed before slipping in next to him. "You feeling OK? It's been more than 24 hours."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just busy at work, that's all."

"Mmm. It's Thursday tomorrow. Will we have our usual session?"

"Er... Sure. Of course."

"I do like it, you know. If you're feeling guilty, just remember that I like being with you like that."

"That's not why... I mean, I don't feel guilty. I'm just a little sleepy. Just wanted to have you next to me. Helps me sleep."

Thor leant over and kissed his cheek.

"Alright. I love you."

Loki blinked. "Yes. I love you too."

He felt like he couldn't say it. Couldn't admit that he'd met with the real Thor, that they'd slept together. It felt almost like cheating. Which was stupid. This Thor wasn't even real. He was just floating electrons, just RAM and neuron impulses. He didn't have feelings.

But he didn't need to know. It might never go anywhere.

It would be better to preserve this Thor without knowledge of whatever happened to the real one.


	10. Chapter 10

"You're still having your usual time too?"

Loki rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted, having made six models from scratch for ladies' night, and they stung.

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Nothing. Just... What with the real one back on the scene..."

"He's not... He's not back on the scene. I haven't even spoken to him, not really. I just want to get off, that's all. Is that allowed? Am I still permitted to have orgasms when I want to?"

"What are you talking about?"

He hadn't even heard Jane come in and felt himself blush, Fandral stammering.

"Are you booking a session yourself?" she asked. "You don't have to be embarrassed. Satisfying your libido is perfectly natural. I'm actually a little annoyed that you didn't tell me there were perks to this job."

Fandral stared at her, mouth hanging open.

"Do you want to use the tech?" Loki asked. "You can have my slot, it's OK."

"I wouldn't want to take it from you..."

"No, it's fine. Let me build you a model and I'll head home. Need my beauty sleep after all."

It was a hack job and he knew it, but Jane seemed very happy with the statuesque man he built for her, all lean muscle and good hair, smouldering eyes and full lips.

"Loki," Fandral said quietly as he got his stuff. "You need to sort yourself out, man. Figure out what you really want."

He wanted...

He wanted Thor back.

At home, his virtual Thor seemed confused.

"No session?"

"No, sorry. Jane had already booked our usual slot and I really need to do some cleaning around here. We'll do it another night."

"Alright."

Loki sighed and took his hand.

"Come read to me while I do the kitchen, yeah?"

Some years earlier, it had been Loki who used to read to Thor all the time. The other Thor, the real one. Anything and everything. Articles on whatever fascinated him that day, random excerpts from novels, opinion pieces that made him angrier and angrier.

"Listen to this," he would say, and then nothing Thor did short of going down on him would make him stop. Sometimes even that only elicited a brief pause and the occasional interrupting moan, one hand tangled in Thor hair while the other held whatever he was reading from. Still, Thor always managed to follow it. It was like he had two brains, a listening brain and a sex brain.

God, he missed those days.

He scrubbed down the surfaces while Thor sat on one of them reading a short story that he barely paid attention to. Something about a tiger.

"I have to leave early tomorrow," he said as they lay in bed together. "Got an appointment at the clinic."

Thor rolled over in alarm.

"Why? You're not sick. You don't have any signs of illness."

"Just a check-up. Don't worry about it."

The whole experience was mortifying. He had to be scraped and prodded, and answer all the horrible questions. Yes, it had been a long time since his last check-up. No, he hadn't ever had anything before. Yes, he was sexually active. 16 years old. No, he hadn't used protection during his last sexual encounter. Yes, he had sex with men...

It was several days before he was able to almost-triumphantly lay his clear results down in front of Fandral.

"See? Nothing to worry about."

Fandral sighed.

"Fine. But I wash my hands of this."

However, a new plan had begun to bubble in Loki's mind.

"When he comes back," he said carefully. "Do you think you could...stall him?"

A blank stare.

"What, so you can appear out of the room like 'Surprise, it's me, your ex'?"

"No, I... I want to follow him. See where he goes."

"Ah, so you're a stalker now. Well. No, Loki, oddly enough I won't stall him for you. I don't want to make this worse."

Loki was antsy in the time leading up to Thor's return, making mistakes at his proper job, burning his dinner, not sleeping. Virtual Thor continuously expressed concern, but he brushed it off. Just stressed. Don't worry.

Once in the room, after a hellish week, he stroked himself to hardness and a little further, determined to get off this time, to give Thor what he wanted.

The shyness had almost gone. Thor walked naked into the room, those ravens still making Loki stare, and got onto the bed immediately, lubing up Loki's cock a little more.

"Can I make changes to you from in here?" he asked.

Loki blinked. What kind of changes?

"Minor vocabulary adjustments can be made on demand," he lied.

"Great," Thor sighed happily. "I want to upgrade to the dirty talk setting."

Loki could feel his heart pounding, almost going lightheaded as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Please specify - praising language or humiliating?"

_Please praising, please, please..._

"A little of both," Thor said. "Nothing too harsh, but... Maybe a little."

Loki swallowed hard.

"Selection confirmed. Sit on my cock, you fucking slut."

Thor laughed a little self-consciously and did just that, easing himself down.

"Mmm, yeah," Loki moaned. "What a nice, tight little ass you have. Bet you know how to work it like a pro too. Come on. Bounce on my fucking cock. Yeah, that's right. I want to see you wrecked."

He'd never spoken to Thor like this. Oh, they'd talked dirty to each other, but always in a loving way, whispering how hard they were going to make the other come, how fucking sexy they were. Not nearly as objectifying as this.

But it was hot though. He couldn't deny enjoying it as he watched Thor's frantic movements, jerking his body up and down and fucking his own fist.

"You're so sexy. I bet all the boys fall at your feet, begging to bend you over and have a crack at your sweet little hole. But I get it, don't I?"

"Oh, fuck, Loki..."

His mouth fell open. Thor had just said his name. Had just... Fuck. Fuck.

He wasn't going to last...

"Shit, I'm gonna come. You want me to come? Want me to breed that ass? Come on, baby. Come for me. Come while I fill you up."

He couldn't hold back much longer...

"Oh, God, yes!" Thor cried. "Yeah, come inside me. Make me feel it."

"Clench down. Yeah, that's it. Just like that. Oh, such a good fucking slut..."

Thor yelped as Loki climaxed, spilling deep inside as only a few seconds later come spattered over his stomach, both of them panting as he dismounted.

"Fuck, that was good," Thor grinned, patting Loki's hip like he was a horse. "Christ. A little quick but... Haven't come that hard for a while. Worth it."

Then he frowned slightly and Loki held his breath. What has wrong?

"I didn't think you things went soft."

Oh, that. Yeah.

"Additional realism," he said calmly.

"Huh. Alright. See you again soon. This was... Yeah, great."

Loki waited until the door had just closed before getting up and wiping himself off with tissues. It would be a little while until Thor was ready to go, since he was leaking.

God, he'd just come inside Thor for the first time in years.

He hid in the waiting room until he heard the buzz of the door unlocking and then rushed out, ignoring Fandral's pleas to stay put and think this through.

No, he needed this. Needed to know.

He caught sight of Thor going round the corner at the edge of the street and pulled his coat up around his face as he hurried to follow.

Keeping at least one block back, Loki tried his best not to look like a stalker for the twenty or so minutes it took for Thor to reach his destination.

Loki ducked behind a bush as Thor walked up to a small house, dropping his keys accidentally, the door opening in front of him.

And in the doorway...

Loki almost threw up in shock.

Jane had opened the door and let Thor inside.


	11. Chapter 11

Loki's normal session time came and went. He didn't use it. He was angry and it would be all too easy to pound his Thor hard into the mattress, let out all his frustration, but that would be hard to explain to him. No, he mustn't do that.

Jane. Thor lived with Jane. Or at least had keys to her house.

Of course, that was how he'd heard about this place. That's why he was here.

And maybe she'd talked about him too. Maybe Thor had come here looking for him...

No. That couldn't be it. He'd have asked about him by now. He couldn't know. He was here as a customer only.

But besides, Thor was gay. Wasn't he? He wouldn't be romantically involved with Jane. Would he?

There was only one person he could ask. And he'd have to be subtle.

"So, Jane," he said at Friday night take out. "What's with you being here? Don't you have better things to do on Friday night than hang out with a bunch of creepy guys?"

"Hey, if you want to have gross guy talk, go ahead. I don't mind."

"No, but... You don't have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

"Loki, are you asking me out?"

Fandral was staring curiously back and forth between the two of them, Volstagg obliviously enjoying his chow mein.

"Maybe," Loki said, trying to sound playful. "Maybe I'm just curious."

"Huh. Well, I'm flattered to be asked out by someone I know is definitely just into guys, but I'm afraid I'm unable to be your experiment into women at this time."

Loki floundered. That hadn't been what he meant at all. This was all going wrong.

"I really was just curious," he said, lowering his head. "I mean... I think if my significant other spent Friday night in a brothel with three men, I'd like to know about it."

"Good job I don't have a significant other then."

She smiled, but there was no joy behind it. Like he'd hit a nerve. Like there was a story there somewhere. And if she didn't have a boyfriend then why was Thor at her house?

"So...you just live by yourself then?"

"God, Loki, what's with all the creepy questions? No, I live with another girl, Darcy."

"She got a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, Ian."

Ian. Was Thor living under a false name, using his real one here to avoid detection? Was that what Thor was calling himself? Had he fucked a simulation of his step-brother at the brothel where his girlfriend's roommate worked part time and then gone to see said girlfriend and called himself fucking Ian?

"What's he like?"

"I dunno. Kinda a dork. Nice though."

It could be... It could be him.

"He got any tattoos?"

"Loki," Fandral said sharply. "Look, I know you're a bit of a shut in or whatever and you've forgotten all your social skills, but this is weird. Shut up and eat your dinner."

Volstagg came to his rescue with a story about a rumour he'd heard of a brothel they'd had to close for selling its clients' come to black market sperm banks. They had a long discussion about whether such things were likely to really exist, and who in their right mind would use them, and Fandral laughed so hard he choked.

Everything felt almost normal by the time Loki set off to follow Jane home.

Exactly the same route as Thor had taken, exactly the same steps and then...

There was a man on the doorstep waiting for her.

"Jane? Forgot my keys and Darce isn't back yet."

That was not Thor.

What the hell was happening? 

He watched as she opened the door for the man - presumably Ian - and stood uncertain of what to do next. He desperately wanted to know what Thor was doing here and why he had keys but there was nothing he could do without giving himself away and that would end so badly and...

What the fuck was he supposed to do? Sit outside Jane's house until Thor came back? They'd call the police instantly. He could see the headlines now.

'Brothel Perv Stalks Colleague, Claims Looking For Long-Lost Pseudo-Incestuous Lover'

Probably just the first part.

He went home and snuggled into his Thor on the couch.

"Are you sick? You've not been yourself recently."

"Maybe. I'm just having some problems at work, that's all."

"I wish I could help."

"You do. You keep me sane. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. I'll make it up to you "

Loki stayed late at VRité on Saturday night, a nice, long, gentle session with lots of kissing, stroking virtual Thor off until he cried out and shuddered, muscles spasming deliciously around Loki's cock. He wanted cuddles too, but you couldn't have everything. And he made a decision.

"Next time Thor comes, I'm not going in," he said to Fandral. "You're right. It's creepy. And I don't... Letting him use me as a sex doll isn't what I want. It isn't our relationship. So... I built myself."

It was one of his best models. Painstakingly made, perfect in every detail, a voice model based on his own speech patterns. There would be almost no way to tell the difference.

So, of course, Thor managed to find one.


	12. Chapter 12

It was a Friday, the last slot of the night. Loki was hiding in the back room, but he could still hear Thor talking.

"There's something wrong with it. It's not like it was before."

Fandral sighed.

"We've been having some technical issues. I'm very sorry. What wasn't working?"

"The skin feels a little different, and last time I was able to change the vocabulary settings verbally while in the room. This time I couldn't."

He could practically hear the brittle smile in Fandral's voice.

"That function is actually in beta at the moment and not always available. I'm very sorry. No charge for this session. Our mistake."

Loki held still until the buzzer sounded and then snuck out to find Fandral looking frazzled.

"The things I do for you," he muttered. "You're lucky you're a coding wizard."

Jane arrived as he was speaking, looking a little uncomfortable.

"God, that was awkward," she said. "Just bumped into someone I know on the stairs."

Fandral whirled around to face her.

"You know Thor? How the fuck do you know Thor?"

She seemed a little taken aback by his aggressive reaction.

"Uh... Well, really he knows my roommate. They used to work together in the little convenience store on Oak Lane before she got fired for slacking off."

Well, that explained part of it, but not why he had a key to their house. Maybe she'd lied. Maybe she and Thor were dating. But... No, she'd be angrier to find him here. And why would she get a model made if she had Thor at home? They couldn't be.

And Oak Lane. That was pretty far away. You could walk it, but... Still. It was just far enough away to be too far for him to go, but close enough that he could potentially have run into Thor at any time. And that was a maddening thought.

"What have you told him about us?" Fandral demanded. "What does he know?"

She narrowed her eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," Loki said quickly. "We just try to be careful about clients knowing our names and details. Just in case. Sometimes people get violent or aggressive. You know, it's a security thing. We handle a lot of cash after all."

She nodded slowly.

"Don't think I used names. Like I said, he's her friend, not mine. Not that he's not my friend. That sounded worse than I meant it to. But... Well, it's a long, boring story. I'll be careful not to let anything slip. Chill out."

Loki desperately wanted to hear the long, boring story, but felt he couldn't push. For the second week running, Volstagg had to save them from awkwardness with his stories. This time he told them about being pulled over for a broken tail-light and having to explain to the police what exactly was in the vat and what he was doing with it. Fandral was nervous, visibly, and Jane suspicious, but Loki was strangely elated. He had a clue. A big clue.

He practically skipped home, dancing round the room, virtual Thor laughing at him.

"So what's got you so happy?"

"Oh, just... I am. Come here, dance with me."

Of course Thor knew all the steps, grinning as Loki twirled under his arm and held him close.

By the time he fell into bed, glowing and warm, he had a plan for the next day.

Go to Oak Lane and find this convenience store. Start frequenting it. Make it seem natural, like they just bumped into one another by chance.

This went completely out of the window when he walked in the door and saw Thor kneeling on the floor and restocking avocados, his hair pulled back into a neat bun. Hair that seemed a little thinner than it had once, his scalp showing through it in places.

It felt so alien seeing him again in such a normal setting. So close. Within walking distance. Their paths could have crossed at any time, if only Loki left his house more often.

Ducking behind a crate of milk waiting to be shelved, he tried to take stock. Had Thor relied on him not looking too long, on respecting his wishes, figuring that he wanted to leave? Had he gone somewhere else in the middle? Was coming back here just an economic necessity?

Then again it was a pretty big city. Loki had no reason to be on this side of the river other than because he knew Thor was here. He might have thought he was safe.

"Excuse me? Can I help you with something, sir?"

His voice sent shivers down Loki's spine as he turned round, watching as Thor's face dropped in surprise.

"Yeah. I really think you can."

For a beat, they stared at each other. Then Thor turned and fled.

"Wait!" Loki yelled, not caring about his surroundings, making other customers turn and stare at him as he attempted pursuit.

But Thor was already behind a door marked 'staff only', the number pad blinking at him forbiddingly.

He knocked. There didn't seem like there was much else he could do.

"Please," he tried. "Please come out and talk to me."

No response.

"Thor, please!"

The door opened, making him jump back, a small stocky man stepping out from behind it.

"Sir, I'm afraid I need to ask you to leave. Our staff don't have to put up with harassment."

"Harass...? No, please, I just want to talk to him. Please tell him that I don't want anything else."

"Wait outside. I'll ask."

It could have been forty minutes or an hour before Thor came out, looking wary to say the least.

"...Hi."

"Hello. Are you... off-shift now? Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"If you want. There's a cafe two streets over. You can buy me coffee if you must."

Loki couldn't help a small smile as they set off. For the first time since seeing him again, for just a moment, he'd seen a little glimpse of the playful, jovial Thor he used to know. Even at VRité he seemed so guarded and troubled. It gave him hope that the old Thor, the real one who loved him and life in equal measure, was still in there somewhere behind the haunted eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

They walked in silence. Loki had too many thoughts in my head, too many questions to know where to start.

He ordered for Thor automatically, the milkiest latte they could make, carrying three sachets of sugar back to the table he had chosen next to the door. Loki tried not to see how easy his escape would be.

"How did you find me?" Thor asked.

Loki shrugged.

"Just met the right people. Just hearsay. Just chance. Someone just mentioned a Thor working in that particular branch. I just... I can't believe you were so close by all this time."

Thor was pushing the sugar away sachet by sachet, refusing to meet his gaze.

"I wasn't. Only ended up back here six months ago. Other job ran out. Had to risk it."

"Where have you been? I mean... Where did you go?"

A sigh.

"Everywhere. Too many places to list. Anywhere there was a job that would pay me."

Loki tried to reach across and take his hand, but Thor drew back, suspicious.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I left?"

"Are you going to give me an answer if I do?"

"No."

"Then no, I'm not. Look, Thor, I have missed you more than I can say. I tried to find you. I even... Wait. Do your parents know where you are?"

There was an intensely awkward pause and then Thor sighed.

"They know I'm alive. But I move around so much that I told them there was no point having an address. It'll just change. And emails are quicker than letters anyway. It was just more convenient that way."

Liar. It was because he knew Odin, or more likely Frigga, would crack and tell Loki where to find him.

"Have you missed me?" Loki asked quietly.

Thor tipped his head to the side.

"What if I say I haven't missed you at all?"

"Then I won't believe you. I've... Nothing has been the same for me since you left. It's been like living in greyscale. I can't believe that you walked away and felt nothing. I can't believe our experiences and feelings could be so different."

"Loki, stop. You can't say things like that to me. You can't put pressure on me like that."

"I didn't mean to... I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I'm just... I have missed you. I want you in my life again. If you want to be."

"In what capacity?"

"Any that you want."

Thor nodded, frowning slightly.

"What if I wanted to be your step-brother? And only that? Would you cope?"

Loki was confused. He hadn't expected Thor to fall back into bed with him instantly or anything, but he had thought that they might be romantic. Go dating perhaps. And Thor had been seeking out sex with a version of him. That had seemed like an obvious signal of longing for what they used to have.

"Whatever you want," he said. "I just want to be friends again."

Thor snorted.

"'Friends.' Sure. That's exactly what we were."

Loki ignored the tone, noting the waitress tapping her nails on the counter, clearly eager for them to leave so she could close up.

"Where are you staying these days? I could walk you."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I'm a big boy. I can get home by myself."

"Well, do you want to come back to my place, then?"

Thor stared at him for just a second before laughing almost nervously.

"I knew it. I fucking knew it. What was that? A whole twenty minutes before you tried to... Whatever, Loki"

He could feel the flush on his cheeks, heat radiating from his face.

"I wasn't trying to do anything except talk some more. OK, fine," he snatched a napkin from the holder and unearthed a pen from his pocket. "Here is my number. Now you can get in touch or not or whatever you want. I'll leave you in peace."

He stood to go, only for Thor to immediately leap to his feet and block the way.

"I'm sorry," he said, the words like a miracle. "I have some stuff I need to do this evening, that's all, so I don't have long. Finish your drink and you can walk me home."

It was a small gesture perhaps, but Loki was glad of it nonetheless. It showed great trust on Thor's part for a start, to let Loki see where he lived.

And it wasn't exactly luxurious. There was graffiti over the walls, cigarette ends all around, other things in the gutters that he wasn't looking too closely at. Thor turned at the main door of the apartment block, shrugging.

"So... This is me. I'll, er... I'll text you or something. We can go for dinner next week and...sort stuff out."

"Sure."

They shared a mortifyingly awkward hug. Loki wasn't confident enough to go for a kiss on the cheek. Too easily misread, misunderstood.

He walked home alone, trying to convince himself that that had gone well. They'd talked for one thing, that was positive. But still. It was an uneasy truce at best.

What was going on in Thor's head? Had he convinced himself that they had to be only step-brothers? That was stupid. They'd met almost as adults. Their parents' relationship didn't affect that. It was no different to falling in love with a roommate, surely?

Maybe he'd been sick. That would explain the weight loss. And it was just the kind of thing that Thor would do, run away and try to hide his illness, to save Loki the pain. It couldn't be sexually transmitted, though. He'd have contracted it.

Maybe Fandral was right. He'd been reckless and foolish and it was only blind luck that had protected him.

Cancer, then? Could be. But his hair. Didn't cancer sufferers tend to lose their hair? Thor's did even look like it had been cut since he'd left. But it was very thin, less noticably so when loose, but evident when he'd tied it back. Maybe that was it after all and he was only just starting to suffer that particular treatment's side effects.

Or maybe it hadn't got that far. Maybe there had been something, a tumour or something, and it was cut out. 

Those tattoos could be hiding a scar. What kind of illness could it have been? Didn't men sometimes get breast cancer? Or it could be...

No. He shouldn't speculate.

He went home and curled up on his couch, holding virtual Thor close, trying not to notice that his hands sometimes passed through him if he wasn't careful, pouring his affection and worry into a willing vessel.

His phone buzzed just as they were going to bed, making him jump.

'Hi, it's Thor. Dinner on Tuesday good for you?'

Loki grinned as he replied positively.

"Who is it?"

"Er... Just Fandral. I think he's a bit drunk."

Why was he lying?

He honestly couldn't say.


	14. Chapter 14

"Fandral, I, er... Won't be in tomorrow. Is that OK? I can build anything that needs done for it tonight if we have anyone new coming."

Fandral brought up the appointments sheet for the Tuesday on his monitor.

"Erm..." he said. "Should be fine. I think we have something on file for all these guys. Only four of them. Stan, Ray, Al and... Er, Thor."

Loki frowned.

"What time is he booked for?"

"Half past eight."

And they'd agreed to eat dinner together at six. So... Thor was going to go out with him for two hours, then go and have sex with a simulation of him? But he was... 

They could just...

How could he express that he didn't need the model, that the real thing was ready and willing, wanting even?

Maybe... Maybe a little gentle flirting?

But then again, Thor wanted them to only be brotherly, that's what he'd said. That was his boundary and Loki had agreed to respect it.

What if he didn't want his boundary respected?

Ugh, no, that was not a thought he should be entertaining for even a second. Listen to words, not inferences that you're probably imagining...

"You seem surprised," Fandral said mildly, but with an obvious question behind it.

"Yeah, we're... We're actually seeing each other. As friends."

He received something that might have been meant to be a comforting pat on the back.

"That's rough, man. But he might come round, in time. And then the two of you can go skipping off into the sunset together and pretend all this never happened."

The chance would be a fine thing.

Back when they'd been together - _together_ together - Thor had been a highly attentive date on the rare occasions that they'd gone out. A hopeless romantic, finding every excuse for little touches and blushing when their eyes met. Loki used to delight in ingulging him, letting him pull out his chair and buy him roses from street vendors and generally do all manner of things that Loki privately thought were stupid when anyone who wasn't Thor did them.

But here he was looking nervous and carefully keeping his hands to himself, barely making eye contact.

"You, er... You working these days?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah. Call centre. Not exactly inspiring, but pays my bills. And I know what you do."

A pause.

"This virtual reality stuff's everywhere now," Thor said, nodding to the restaurant's advertisement for evenings with special appearance changes.

"Yeah. I've got a headset myself, actually."

"Oh, cool. Still coding? You used to dabble when we were in high school. You were really good. That might be a working opportunity worth looking into. You might like it more than what you're doing."

"Well, thanks awfully for the career advice. You want to warn me off drink, drugs and cigarettes now?"

Thor put his head in his palms, but he was smiling underneath it.

"Sorry. That was really patronising, huh?"

"Just a bit. We're not kids anymore. I mean, we're only seven months apart in age, that's hardly years of experience you've got on me."

"Sorry."

There were far too many pauses in this meal.

"So are you...seeing someone?"

Loki dropped his fork. What? What?!

"No. No, I'm not. I'm... Why, are you?"

Thor sighed.

"Nope. It's just me and Mjölnir. Though she can't live with me at the moment."

Mjölnir? Who was that? A child? Thor had a child? Oh, God, was that why he'd left? He'd knocked up some girl and had to go play house? How could he do that to...?

"So she lives with her mother? What are your custody arrangements?"

Thor stared at him for a moment before laughing.

"No, no, nothing so serious. She's a dog. She's my dog. I had to move and my new place doesn't allow pets. So for the moment she lives with a friend in a kind of semi-permanent dog sitting thing. But I have a key and I go to walk her and play with her, bring her food and stuff."

Loki's heart swelled.

It was his _dog._ Thor didn't live with Jane, his dog did. A perfectly innocent, if ridiculous, explanation. All his suspicions were wrong. He could feel his smile spreading with reassurance.

"What kind of dog is she?"

Thor was visibly more relaxed now, onto a subject that was comfortable for him. He clearly loved his pet very much.

"I'm honestly not sure. She's a mix of things I think. And fat because I spoil her rotten. She didn't have the best start in life so I feel she deserves it."

"Rescue dog?"

"Yeah, my doctor said I should get a companion animal so I adopted her from the local shelter."

He hadn't meant to say that. His expression said that clearly. Loki decided to pretend he hadn't heard it, suddenly finding his ravioli deeply fascinating. Thor seemed decidedly less enamoured of his pasta with squid ink, not managing to finish it.

"I'd like to meet Mjölnir some time. Maybe I could join you for a walk."

Public place, no pressure, no ulterior motives. Thor said he would like that very much. He spent the rest of their meal chatting happily, giving Loki a warm hug as they parted ways.

But not for long, Loki had decided. He hailed a cab immediately. By car, he could easily beat Thor back to VRité and have time to get ready. His foundation and scentless deoderant were heavy in his coat pockets.

Wrong? Undoubtedly. But still...


	15. Chapter 15

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Fandral looked frantic as Loki burst into the session room, finding him clutching a fresh fleshlight and laying out the fake arms.

"I'm here for Thor. He'll be here soon. Tell him he can switch vocabs verbally this time."

"I thought you were done with this."

"Well..."

Fandral sighed. "Alright. Fine. Do what you want. But he's expecting to be the penetrator not the penetratee this time."

A shrug. It wasn't like they hadn't ever done that. They'd always been pretty equal with positioning back before.

"Give me the lube then. How does he want me?"

"On your back."

"Right."

The second the door closed, he was yanking his shirt off and hiding it, hurriedly flopping onto the bed and reaching between his own legs, yelping a little when the lube began to heat up. He hadn't realised that it was self-warming, though thinking about it, it did make sense to reproduce the warmth of flesh.

Eventually, he considered himself amply prepared and lay still, legs bent and spread wide.

He wanted to hold Thor close when he came in, his expression tight and pained. But he couldn't move. Just had to lie there as Thor knelt between his knees.

"Do I just...do it?"

"Yes."

He let out a long exhale as Thor gently slid in, his first thrusts tentative, but soon growing in confidence. It was so good he was tempted to sob, but allowed himself only gentle cries.

Thor shifted, looming over him, his cock starting to catch against Loki's prostate and making him whimper and wish to squirm in Thor's grasp.

He was concentrating so hard on remaining still that he barely realised that Thor was speaking.

"I love you. God, I love you. Fuck..."

He was close to weeping and everything was wrong. Thor shouldn't cry.

It took all Loki's powers of self-control to remain impassive and not to cling to his big brother, to comfort him in his distress. But he couldn't. He couldn't...

His erection was definitely flagging but Thor didn't seem to notice as he gripped it, stroking rapidly, trying to get him off as soon as possible. If his emotions weren't quite on board, biology wasn't going to let him resist. He came with a harsh cry, enjoyment forced out of him, a few more thrusts making him scream before Thor came inside him.

And then Thor was kissing him full on the mouth, like he was trying to devour him. He tasted of whiskey and Loki realised that he'd been drinking, that he wasn't fully aware of what was happening. He wanted the kiss to be better, to last. It had been so long since he'd had that, over too soon, far too soon.

Thor stared down at him, panting desperately.

"Why can't I stop doing this?" he asked. "Why can't I stop coming here?"

Loki met his eyes, wide and staring.

"Because you love me."

Thor let his head hang, taking shuddering breaths.

"Fuck..." he said. "Fucking...fuck."

Loki lay still for a long time after Thor swayed out, listening to his own breath and the way his body thrummed and cooled, aching for the warmth of Thor's flesh and being and love.

Eventually, he sighed. Couldn't stay here forever after all. He was definitely shaking a little when he emerged, eager to be home and in his own bed.

"You OK?"

He looked over at Fandral and shook his head.

"Right. Come on. I am taking you somewhere you can spill out all your problems."

"I'm really not..."

"No arguments. I'm paying. Can't have you going home and moping, not when there are dive bars to visit."

Loki was somewhat uncomfortable with the place, trying not to touch the slightly sticky table too much as Fandral returned to him, drinks in hand.

"Wasn't sure what you like, so I got you a vodka tonic. Little bit aunt-at-a-wedding, but I figured..."

"It's fine. Thanks."

He sipped for a few moments, the tonic doing little to hide the acrid taste of poor-quality vodka.

"So? Aren't you going to tell me all your deep dark secrets?"

"Er... No. Probably not."

"Oh, come on! I'm putting my neck on the line for you. I could lose my licence and probably face jail. I deserve to know what's going on."

Loki sighed heavily. He was feeling a little open still from his time with Thor, a sensation he used to love but which was decidedly less pleasant when he didn't have Thor's arms around him and the promise of waking up next to him.

"I've... I've seen him. We had dinner."

"Well, that's good, right? You're back in contact."

"He wants us to be...friends. Just good friends. But then he's still fucking that machine. And I just... I love him so much. And he loves me and I don't understand why he doesn't just come back to me."

Fandral had a slight frown, a tiny crease between his brow.

"I'm just worried," Loki said. "Worried that there's something wrong. Like he's sick or in debt or in trouble somehow and trying to protect me. But I want to help. I want him back."

"And you can't reveal that you know he wants you without him knowing that you knew the whole time. God, yeah. That's a tough one. Wish I could help you out with something other than booze."

"I appreciate the attempt. We have a pretty intense past so maybe it's that?"

"Arguments and stuff?"

"Mm. Other people tended to fight about us. I mean, we were kids when we got together and my mother thought that he'd...corrupted me or something. And so she walked out and I stayed behind and... I think he felt guilty that I lost contact with her for him."

"So... Wait, he was living with you and your parents?"

Loki slumped back against the threadbare sofa of the booth.

He might as well get it all out.

"We're step-brothers. Or we were. Our parents were married, divorced now. We weren't raised together or anything but... Yeah. That's a thing."

Fandral was staring, eyebrows high, clearly trying to figure out how to react to that. Loki waved his hands vaguely.

"It's no different to having a high school sweetheart. We weren't even a year apart, two hormonal young men made to live in close quarters... Things happened. And then love happened. Got together at 16, Mom left when I was 18, moved out together at 19, 22 when he left. 27 now. I can't let it go. And neither can he and I don't know why he won't be with me..."

"I am trying to understand, man, I really am. But you've got to admit, it's...weird. I mean, your parents were..."

"I know. I know how fucked up it was. But I don't think that's why he left. He fought so hard for me, for us. He loved me. I don't know why he would suddenly decide he couldn't do it anymore. And he just vanished. No-one knew where he went. I thought... I thought a lot of things. And now I've found him and I know he wants me but he won't and I'm just..."

"I get you. But I think you have to ask yourself whether you're able to cope. If he wants to be platonic, can you handle that?"

Loki downed the dregs of his drink.

"I have to. I can't be without him. If this is the only way, then that's that. I'd rather this than nothing."

He tried to pretend he didn't see the pity in Fandral's eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warning here - Thor briefly mentions what led to Mjölnir ending up at the dog shelter and it's not pleasant.
> 
> (Also for those who like to know this sort of thing, she is meant to be some kind of [Swedish Vallhund](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swedish_Vallhund) cross because oh, my gosh, so cute and friendly if I could have dogs I'd totally want one of them.)

Loki tried to have a normal week, building his models and going to work and concentrating on not being the one to call first. Thor finally got back in contact on the Sunday to invite him out to walk Mjölnir. He wasn't about to say no, though he was a little taken aback when Thor said they should meet and go pick her up.

"No, no," he said quickly. "I don't want to freak out your friends by showing up. I'll meet you in the park."

He couldn't risk seeing Jane after all.

Dogs had always seemed to Loki like children, in that he understood why other people might want them, but couldn't say it appealed to him.

Then again, seeing Thor rolling in the grass with his chubby, happy dog might be enough to change his mind.

She was a small thing, almost comically little next to Thor, with pointed ears and coarse grey fur. And she clearly worshipped her owner.

"This is Uncle Loki," he was saying, encouraging Loki to kneel with them and submit to being nuzzled and licked. "Yeah, we like new friends, huh? Oh, where's the ball? Where is it? Oooh, it's here! Go get it!"

Short legs did not slow Mjölnir down, tearing off across the park in pursuit of a battered tennis ball.

"She's adorable," Loki said, trying to subtly wipe his hands on his jeans.

"Yeah. It's amazing how friendly she is, considering."

"What happened to her?"

"They found her tied up in a yard, mostly starved and with broken ribs, probably caused by a kick."

"God. Poor thing. Glad she's happy now."

"Yeah," Thor said, throwing the ball for at least the fourth time. "I hate that she can't live with me though. Apparently she cries after I leave, like I've abandoned her. And it's awkward with the people looking after her."

"How so?"

A sigh.

"So I met Darcy at work and we became friends and we started hanging out and I met the girl she lives with, Jane. And Jane's great. Seriously, she's a wonderful person. And so when I had to move, I asked them to take care of Mjölnir and then... Jane actually asked me out."

Loki screamed internally, though he tried to keep his face impassive despite the wave of jealousy and possessiveness rolling through him. How dare someone else try to touch his Thor? Had they dated? Was that why it was awkward, they were exes?

"And it ended badly?"

"It never started. I explained that I liked her a lot but that I'm gay and so... Yeah, since then I feel like I'm taking advantage of her good will. But I can't afford to move right now."

Loki bit his lip. This was dangerous ground.

"You know, my lease allows pets. I could take her."

_Then we can both cry whenever you leave us._

"I couldn't ask you to do that. It's too much."

"I wouldn't mind."

He could almost see Thor wavering.

"I'll think about it, OK?"

It took them a long time to capture Mjölnir and get her back on the leash, walking around the park a little more calmly.

Loki couldn't help but notice how many complete strangers came to speak to them. Having a dog seemed to be permission for anyone to strike up a conversation.

"This has been really nice. We should do it again some time."

Thor looked across at him.

"I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come to mine for some coffee," he said, seeming almost shy.

"Oh. Sure. Yes, I would like that. Thank you."

How were they so nervous around each other? It shouldn't be like this. They used to be so comfortable.

Loki was quite excited to see inside Thor's apartment, Mjölnir panting as she hopped up the stairs in front of them. His happiness dissipated when they were inside though.

Thor had clearly done his best. It was clean, as far as was possible. But it was somehow cold, wallpaper peeling in places, indelible stains sporting the carpet, a large, black damp patch on the ceiling letting God only knew what kind of spores out into the hall.

"Oh, I know," Thor said, noting his gaze. "I've tried everything. Bleach, anti-mould stuff. Can't shift it."

Loki glanced around, shivering. This place seemed haunted. Thor was rattling around in the kitchen, sighing heavily.

"Shit," he said. "Power's out. I swear the wiring in this building is going to completely break down soon."

He seemed very embarrassed and Loki made a decision.

"You can't stay here with no power," he said. "You're coming to my place tonight. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Loki, it's fine, it happens all the time..."

"No. Come on, throw a bag together. I am taking you home."

Thor tried to protest some more, but Loki insisted, practically dragging him back and making him dinner, even if Thor didn't seem to have much of an appetite. Probably too embarrassed and nervous to enjoy it.

"You really don't have to do this," he said. "I'm fine."

"Stop. You're clearly not eating right. You're tired. That place is making you sick, probably giving you pneumonia. Why didn't you call me?"

Thor sighed and ran his hands down his face.

"I assumed I wouldn't be welcome. I know that I hurt you a lot. And I'm sorry. I am."

"Shut up. I don't need apologies. I need to know that you're going to leave that place."

"And go where? I can't afford anywhere better."

"Here. Come live with me."

"Loki..."

"Not... Not like that. Even just while you save up some money. I can't let you stay there, it's awful. I'll get a sofa bed or a futon or something. And Mjölnir could live here with you."

Thor scratched her behind the ear as her stumpy tail started wagging at hearing her name. Thor had brought a sachet of food for her from his place, along with his spare dog bowl and she seemed very content to lie on the floor by the couch.

"I'll think about it, OK?"

"Do. And you can sleep in my bed, I'll have the couch."

Thor didn't fight him on that one. Loki had seen his bed, undoubtedly the one that came in the apartment. It looked ancient and uncomfortable. Probably the reason he was too tired to argue.


	17. Chapter 17

Loki couldn't quite recall why he was on his couch immediately on waking and got to experience the joy of remembering suddenly. Thor was in his bed.

Alas, he had to go to work. He crept over to his bathroom to shower and took the time to sneak a look into his room. Thor was lying flat out, Mjölnir curled at the end of the bed. The blankets were pulled down just slightly, letting him see the tips of the ravens' wings.

This was where Thor belonged. He couldn't help but feel a little stupidly jealous of Mjölnir, getting to share a bed with him.

He laid out a towel and put the spare keys near it with a note explaining that he'd gone to work and when he'd be back and for how long. Already he was trying to work out the logistics of balancing work, Thor and VRité. Maybe he'd leave work altogether or go part-time.

His colleagues seemed surprised and mentioned how cheerful he was. He felt like he was glowing. Being friends with Thor was better than nothing and living with him, even platonically, was better still.

Maybe they could get back in contact with Odin and Frigga properly. They could be a real family again. He could practically see Balder playing with Mjölnir, two little chubby friends. It would be wonderful.

He stopped by a camping store on his way home to buy an air mattress. It would be more comfortable than the couch, as a temporary measure.

The apartment was still and quiet when he arrived, the spare keys lying on the floor where they'd been put back through the letter box. Loki had expected Thor to take them with him, but whatever. Maybe he'd thought that somehow presumptive.

He became worried when he saw his own note, turned over with big, aggressive writing on it.

_Do not contact me again. I don't want to see you. Leave me alone._

What? What had happened, what...?

His eyes fell on his VR headset, lying out of the charging unit. He'd definitely set it to charge.

Oh, no...

With trembling hands, he picked it up, noticing that the dimensions had been changed, altered for a user with a larger head.

He put it on immediately, virtual Thor flickering into existence looking deeply worried.

"Loki? Loki, there was a man here..."

God...

"What happened? Tell me everything."

"I was activated at 11:32 by an unknown user. He was surprised to see me. And he became visibly upset. And he asked a few questions. Unknown user ended the session at 11:44."

How could he have been so stupid? Of course Thor would want to look at his coding. It was no different to looking into a room to see how it was decorated. He should have deactivated it, put a password on it, something...

"What did he ask you?"

"He... He asked who I was. What our relationship was. How long I'd been operational. And..."

"What? What else?"

"He asked if we had sex."

Loki's world seemed to unravel through his chest.

"Repeat audio output today 11:32 to 11:44."

Virtual Thor's eyes went blank and his mouth hung open, sound pouring out without movement. It was disturbing to see him that way, so robotic, so not alive.

"Hello. I don't know you. Where is Loki? ..He is my primary user... My name is Thor, unknown user... My partner... Yes, I think so... Approximately 4.53 years... I don't think that is your concern... Yes... The place is called VRité. He works there as a coder..."

Loki sank to his knees. Shit. Shit, shit, shit...

His phone rang, making him jump as he yanked off his headset.

"Loki?" Fandral's voice came down the line. "Thor's coming in in about an hour. He sounds pretty angry. Very interested to know if the coder was working tonight. What's going on?"

"I'm on my way. Don't worry."

"I really don't think you should go in there. He sounds... He sounds upset."

"I can handle him. Call Jane and ask if the dog is at her place."

"Is that...code?"

"Just do it, please. No other info. Not even that I'm asking, just ask about the dog. She'll freak out, but don't worry about it. She'll be fine."

He hung up while Fandral yelled down the phone at him and ran out the door without even his coat.


	18. Chapter 18

Loki burst into VRité, utterly frantic.

"What the fuck is going on?" Fandral demanded.

"I fucked up, that's what. Just...deny everything, OK? How does he want me? Did you call Jane?"

"Hands and knees with your face down. And yes, she's really freaked out. But that's not important right now. Seriously, I'm worried. I don't think you should do this. He sounded almost murderous on the phone."

"He won't hurt me."

He made sure to prepare particularly thoroughly, just in case, before getting into position. Thor might be rough in his anger after all.

He'd been kneeling like that, goosebumps running over his skin, for ten or fifteen minutes before the door slammed open and he heard Thor's footsteps approaching.

"You little... You knew. You programmed yourself, knowing it was for me. I fucking hate you."

He almost certainly didn't mean it, but that hurt. That stung. He could feel the start of tears prickling, his breath shaking.

"No..."

"Shut up."

Loki closed his eyes tightly, hiding his face against the pillow. He felt the bed dip as Thor climbed onto it, slapping him hard enough to make him yelp and reaching forward to yank his hair.

"Can you register pain? Does that hurt?"

"Yes."

"Good."

This wasn't right. This was all wrong. Thor wouldn't hurt him, he wouldn't be cruel like this. Loki sobbed against the sheets helplessly.

"Stop crying. I don't like it. I don't want crying. Stop."

"Can't."

"Alter programming. Disable crying."

No, he couldn't. He couldn't pretend. He could just lie here and take it.

"Thor, stop. Please."

There was a hideous silence only broken by his sobs.

"You're not programmed to know my name. You can't know my name. You're just a machine, how...?"

Loki cringed and struggled, kicking back and scratching at Thor's grip.

"What the fuck? What...?"

"Oh, work it out. Let go of my goddamn hair."

In an instant, Thor was off him, backing away and shaking his head in horror, face pale and eyes wide.

"No... No, no. You're not real."

"Take off the headset. You know I am."

There was a moment's pause, Thor clearly afraid to face the truth. Then he reached up and pulled it off, gasping in alarm as nothing changed around him.

"It's been you. Every time?"

"Not every time. Some of them. I... I saw the opportunity and took it."

Thor paced a little.

"You bastard, Loki. How could you do this to me?"

Loki stared at him, hugging his knees.

"You wanted it. I gave you what you wanted."

"You think... You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to hurt you like this? That I wanted to treat you this way, that I wanted to use you like...like a feelingless thing? Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick. Fuck."

"You came here. You ordered a model based on me. I gave you something better, the real thing, what you really wanted."

And now Thor was back on him, pinning him down, snarling at him.

"I didn't want this! This is what I was trying to avoid, more mistakes and more pain."

"It's not a mistake. We need each other, you know we do."

"Shut up, Loki. I refuse to take advice from someone who built a creepy virtual version of his ex to live with him. It's fucked up. Why would you even do that?"

"Because you left me! I did the only thing I could. I needed someone to love me."

"Well, congratulations on your artificial care. You programmed it to love you. It's not real. You can't program people. You can't program me."

And now it was Loki's turn to snarl and struggle, hissing into Thor's ear.

"Maybe I'd believe that you felt nothing if you hadn't wept over me last week, begging me to tell you why we feel this way. I love you. You love me. Admit it. Stop denying yourself."

He managed to press his lips to Thor's, trying to coax his mouth open, but soon found himself shoved away.

"I can't do this, Loki. We can't do this."

"Why not? Why are you torturing us like this?"

Thor hung his head, defeated.

"I... I can't tell you. I can't do that to you. Just...forget me. Forget us."

"No. Tell me what earth-shattering thing stands between us. What could it possibly be?"

"It will hurt you too much."

He seemed to realise he was straddling a naked Loki and got up, rubbing the back of his head, eyes downcast.

"Leave me alone, Loki. I'm going to move again. Don't look for me."

He turned to leave.

"Wait," Loki said, fishing his clothes out from beneath the mattress and pulling them on hurriedly. "At least look me in the eye one last time before you go. Please, just that. I just... Please."

It was horrible, staring at each other, the sense of ending. Not that Loki was really going to let that happen.

He was dressed. Thor was not. That gave him a few minutes' head start. He slipped out of the room, soundproofed both ways, to find Jane exactly where he wanted her, standing looking deeply concerned with Mjölnir.

"Loki, what's going on?"

"Give me the dog."

"What? No, she's... Hey!"

Her grip was tight on the leash, but Mjölnir recognised him and bounded forwards, letting him scoop her up and unclip it at the collar edge. He slammed his hand violently against the door to activate the security lock and jam it shut for a while longer, fleeing down the stairs with Mjölnir in his arms in seconds.

Thor didn't want to see him? Well. Now he'd have to come round.

"Come on, Mjölnir," he muttered as she tried to lick his face, endeavoring to look normal walking down the street with no coat and carrying a dog. "We'll make Daddy talk it out, huh? Yeah. Happy family, the three of us. He'll see."


	19. Chapter 19

Mjölnir was happy enough to come into his home, but quickly became distressed, whining loudly. She'd obviously thought Thor would be here.

Loki was starting to wonder if he'd made a terrible mistake. He knew very little about dogs. He didn't have any food for her. They could split dinner, he supposed, but what if there was something he ate that was bad for her? Chocolate was poisonous to dogs, he knew that. But wasn't there something about not giving them chicken? Or was that only because of the small bones? They were designed to eat raw flesh, but what if that made her sick? He didn't want to hurt Thor's dog. Just hold her hostage for a while.

She ate a portion of cooked but unspiced mince out of a plastic bowl happily enough and seemed calmer now that he'd proved himself a friend, even deigning to get up on the couch with him.

He set his phone to silent after the third attempted call from Fandral, feeling it buzz in his pocket. He was only going to do this in person.

Eventually, there was a knock at the door. He approached suspiciously.

"Hello, Loki? It's Jane. I'm here to get Mjölnir back."

"Tell Thor to come himself. The dog in exchange for answers."

She was trying to sound reasonable, to convince him that it would all be OK if he just listened to her. It made him want to scream.

"He told me what happened. Can you see this from his perspective? You've violated him really badly."

"I know. And I'm sorry for that, I know it was wrong. But I need him and he needs me and..."

"You're step-brothers. It's too much for him."

Loki slammed a hand against the door, making Mjölnir scurry away in fear.

"He didn't care that we were step-brothers when we were 16 and he was telling me it was alright to kiss him. He didn't care that we were step-brothers when we fucked for the first time, when we lived together, when he used to hold me in the night and tell me how much he fucking loved me. He didn't just wake up and realise it was wrong and leave. That's bullshit. Something happened. And until he comes here and speaks to me like a grown up, I'm keeping the dog."

He had to coax Mjölnir out from under the bed by proffering a biscuit (non-chocolate, plain only), mumbling apologies for scaring her until she relaxed and let him hold her and pet her again.

Around 45 minutes later, another knock.

"Loki?"

Mjölnir leapt off his lap and bolted for the door, barking excitedly and scratching at it, her master just on the other side.

"You going to come in and talk?"

"I'm just here for my dog. I swear, if you've hurt her..."

"Oh, please, like I'd do that. She's fine. I fed her and everything."

"Give her back."

"Tell me why you left."

Thor sighed.

"Look, Loki, I really don't want to call the police, but I will if I have to."

Ah, shit. They probably wouldn't look too kindly on this.

"Well, I'll call your dad. Tell him that you're being mean to me."

It was a stupid thing to say, a dumb school-yard threat, but Thor seemed too angry to notice.

"You'd be better calling your mom," he said. "She can give you answers."

What? What?! His mother? But they hadn't seen her for nearly ten years. What could she possibly have to do with this?

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Give me my dog."

It was a clue, perhaps. And clearly that was all he was getting tonight. He had no interest in causing an animal unnecessary distress by sending Thor away and making her believe herself abandoned. He knew exactly what that felt like and how unpleasant it was.

He picked Mjölnir up despite her excited wriggling making it difficult and opened the door, forcing Thor to touch him as he collected her.

"I can't believe you did this," Thor said.

"I had to make you talk to me. What does my mother have to do with this, with us?"

"Don't bother, Loki. You don't want to know. Just... Just move on. You'll be happier."

"You don't know that."

Thor looked at him with a degree of pain that was at odds with Mjölnir's joyful motions.

"I know that I'd be happier if I didn't know. From that I surmise that you'd rather not."

"I just kidnapped a dog for it. I think it's pretty obvious that I do want to know."

To his immense surprise, Thor's mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile, just a little, at the riduculousness of the situation, unable to help himself.

"Trust me. You don't. But if it's all that will give you closure, contact your mom. Ask her about when I went to see her five years ago. And that's all I'll say about it. And remember that I tried to protect you from this."

He turned away without another word, fussing over Mjölnir and getting affectionate nuzzles in return.

Loki slumped into bed, but didn't sleep. He'd got a clue, but only more questions.

His mother...

He had a number for her, but he had no idea if it was still the right one. Might be a start though.

The next morning, he dug through a box of old things, looking for his teenage address book, the names of long-forgotten school mates neatly printed inside and there under M for Mom...

He bit his lip as he heard the line ring. It was early. She wouldn't be at work yet, surely?

"Hello?"

"Laufey Ymirsdottir?"

A brief pause.

"Who is this?"

"It's Loki. It's me."

She sighed heavily.

"I knew this would happen one day."


	20. Chapter 20

She didn't want to talk to him on the phone, insisting that he get the bus to visit her and taking the afternoon off work to see him. He told work he was sick and didn't even bother calling Fandral.

Laufey lived in a pretty nice town, small for sure, but nice. Lots of bungalows by the looks of things. A retirement area. Maybe she was already thinking about that, even though she was barely approaching 50.

Loki was nervous to see her. They'd parted on such poor terms. And apparently she had the key, the answer to the question that had tortured him for five long years.

She looked the same, at first anyway. On being invited in, he noticed the extra lines on her face, the streaks of silver flowing through the rich darkness of her hair. No hugs. It wasn't that kind of meeting.

His leg shook with nervous energy as she made tea, bringing it through to her sitting room on a tray he vaguely remembered from childhood.

"I know why you're here," she said after a few awkward sips. "Where do you want to start?"

"Thor. I want to start with Thor. He left me five years ago. No reason given, no explanation, just gone, off the map. I recently met him again and he refused to tell me anything about it except that before he abandoned me, he came to visit you."

"That's true. He did."

"Why? Why would he want to see you?"

She didn't reply right away, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Mom, did you threaten him?"

A sharp laugh of shock.

"Me, threaten him? He wouldn't have put up with that and you know it."

"Why was he here?"

She was picking at imaginary flecks of dirt on her sleeves, wrestling with herself to get the words out.

"He wanted to build bridges. He wanted me to be part of your lives again. It had been, what? Four or five years since we'd spoken then? But he felt that the dust had settled and that we were all adults and surely we could move forward. I asked him why now, why he'd suddenly come to this conclusion. And he told me that he wanted to ask you to marry him."

Loki's heart lurched.

Marriage. He could see it now. Thor would have gone the whole hog, bought him something beautiful and sparkly and way out of their price range. He'd have got down on one knee, looking every inch the handsome prince, hair neatly tied back. Or he'd have taken Loki to dinner and dropped the ring into a glass, or had it placed delicately on his dessert. It would have been huge and stupid and wonderful and Thor all over and...

"Why didn't he? What did you do?"

And now she looked at him full in the face, her steely look of determination not wavering in view of his distress. She was going to get it out.

"I told him the truth about you."

"What truth? What are you talking about?"

She took another mouthful of tea, as if trying to steady her nerves.

"What do you know about your father, Loki?"

He blinked rapidly at her.

"Farbauti? I don't know. He walked out on us when I was about four and... And that was that. He wanted nothing to do with me and the feeling is mutual. But I don't see how that's relevant."

"I was 20 years old when I had you," she said softly, like she hadn't heard him. "And you were perfect. So perfect that when you were about two, we decided to try for another baby. We were young and full of life, ready to be parents again. How hard could it be? But months went by. A year. And nothing. It didn't make sense, so we sought help. And that's when we found out that Farbauti couldn't have children. That there was no way he could have fathered you. And he left us."

Loki stared at her.

"Then... Then who is my father?"

She sighed heavily. This was obviously difficult for her.

"I had slept with one other man. Just once, but sometimes that's all it takes. He was...a friend. We met up at a party one night. Got chatting. His fiancée was driving him crazy, he said. Suddenly moody or saying she felt sick and being very strange. So he was there alone and we were laughing together and... Things happened. I felt terribly guilty afterwards and so did he and we agreed that it had been a stupid mistake and never to speak of it again. Turned out the reason his fiancée wasn't herself was that she was several months pregnant. She hadn't realised, somehow. Or so she said. I think she was just avoiding telling her mother and God knows how she thought she'd hide it when the baby came. Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant too, I assumed it was Farbauti's since we were dating and you were born and looked like me and I didn't even think about..."

"It was Odin, wasn't it? Odin is my biological father. Why didn't you tell him he had another son once you knew?"

"How could I, Loki? By the time I worked it out, Jord had just died. He was mourning his wife, suddenly a single father to a small boy. How could I walk in and remind him of how he had betrayed her while she was pregnant? I couldn't do that. It was in the past. Long past. But years later, we met again. Reconnected. And I thought it would be OK. I thought that we'd be a family, he would be your step-father and no-one would ever have to know the truth. I thought it would all work out. And you adapted, you were happy and..."

Loki stared at the floor, the flowers on her rug twisting into thorns behind his tears.

"You weren't happy," he said quietly.

"No. Odin and I, we were just too stubborn. Neither of us knew how to compromise with the other. But I wanted to do what was best for you and you were flourishing. I thought it was because you had both your parents. I thought it was the stability that was doing it, not because you were in love with..."

She trailed off, both of them forced to think about that day, so painful for both of them.

"Why didn't you tell me before we moved in? I was fifteen, it's not like I wouldn't understand."

"I didn't want to risk it getting to Odin. I couldn't let him know that I'd hidden something like that for so long. I thought I was doing everyone a favour..."

"Then why tell Thor? Why tell him? We'd been living together and in love and, I'll say it, Mother, we'd been merrily fucking each other's brains out all that time, but you decided to drop the bombshell when he wanted to make it official. Why? And don't you dare say it was out of morality."

"I didn't mean to," she snapped. "Thor came in here all high and mighty with pamphlets about seeking help for homophobia. Telling me that I could have a life beyond bigotry, that one day I would learn to love you again, accusing me of hating my own child and I... I told him the real reason that I had reacted so badly. It just slipped out. I begged him not to tell you, but I had no idea that he would just leave you, I swear it. I love you. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You know, I believe that. But you did. Deliberate or not, you caused the worst event of my life."

"I'm so sorry, Loki."

He sniffed hard.

"Thanks for telling me the truth, I guess. Better late than never."

He left her. Intellectually, he could follow her logic. And he could see her side and say that it wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. She couldn't have forseen this whole mess.

But the sting in his heart ached and threatened to turn to hatred. For his mother, for himself, for the universe in general for being so unfair as to make his greatest love his brother.

Back on the bus, he decided he'd try his luck.

'Just saw my mom. She told me the truth. Can we meet and talk about it? Finding it hard to process.'

Send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well done to everyone who called it. I'll be sneakier next time!


	21. Chapter 21

Thor had shown up to the café with pamphlets. Did he think folded paper could solve everything?

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

Loki gave him a withering look.

"Just found out that the love of my life is my brother. How do you think I'm holding up?"

Thor nodded. At least he'd ordered pastries to try and soften the blow.

"So, let me get this right," Loki said, snatching up a mini-eclair from the untouched plate. "You found out that we were blood related, and rather than telling me and sorting things out like grown-ups, you decided to run away and let me think that you hated me. That there was someone else. That you were dying..."

"I... I can't justify what I did."

"No, you can't."

Thor sighed.

"Laufey asked me not to tell you. It was her secret, not mine. But I couldn't keep doing what we were doing without you knowing. Leaving was the only way out that I could see."

"Bullshit, Thor. Even if my mom had thrown herself at your feet, I refuse to believe that you'd be more loyal to the honour of promises or whatever than you were to me."

"OK, fine. That was the excuse I gave myself. I was scared. I didn't know what knowing would do to you, I didn't know how you'd react, I thought you'd be disgusted that we'd...been together."

"Were you? Disgusted?"

"Loki..."

"Were you disgusted?"

Thor stared at him, nostrils flaring.

"I was disgusted that I wasn't disgusted," he said. "And that's why I went to get help."

He pushed a few leaflets across the table at him. 'You're not bad, you're just confused.' 'Family matters.' 'Dealing with sibling abuse.'

"What the fuck?" Loki said, holding up that last one between sticky fingers. "Who exactly was abused in this situation? I don't remember being abused, I remember having consensual sex with someone I care about."

Thor sighed again.

"It's not about abuse as such. It's about recognising that our desires were not healthy. On a subconscious level, we recognised one another as family and felt protective and we mistook those feelings for romantic kinds rather than fraternal. It's an evolutionary survival instinct to protect your own DNA. Since we share some, our bodies wanted us to protect one another."

It was a stilted speech. He'd clearly practised it. And to Loki, it sounded like nothing but white noise.

"I don't think untamed lust falls under 'protectiveness'. I don't think passion goes with fraternal relationships either. I think that all of these things come under a big umbrella called love and that's what we have and had and no suddenly discovered fact about shared DNA is going to change that."

"But we can't, Loki. It's not right. I've been having a lot of...not therapy, it's not, it's a discussion group that specialises in helping people with unusual sexual desires and..."

"I am not hearing this. Feeling attraction for another consenting adult is not unusual."

"Well, we weren't adults, were we? It's an extablished fact that the brain cannot form certain neurological connections related to decisions until age 25."

"So the decision you made to leave me at 22 wasn't made by a fully formed brain? Alright, good, I'm glad we agree on something. We were 16, Thor. We both were. It wasn't like you were 16 and I was 11 and you took advantage or anything. We made the choice together."

"I came on to you," Thor snapped. "I started it. It was my fault that it happened at all, my actions."

"I wanted it. We both did. We both do. And if we didn't know this little fact, we'd be married now. How does that fit in with your little moral world, huh? What if we'd already been hitched when you found out, would you have divorced me over this?"

Thor pushed another pamphlet across the table and Loki rolled his eyes as he picked it up and began reading.

_In cases of sibling incest, it is common for one party to be extremely against dissolving the relationship. This may be due to many factors; often a sense of possessiveness and control comes into play, but the feeling is primarily to do with a sense of belonging and fear of the outside world._

_However, it is important to consider who else is affected by an incestuous relationship - parents and other siblings as well as extended family may be greatly distressed and children born of incest are significantly more likely to carry genetic disorders. The ongoing taboo of incest is well founded, due to its inherently abusive nature and the dangers to both physical and mental health. There is always a victim._

He slammed it down on the table, making Thor wince.

"'There's always a victim,' huh?" he said bitterly. "Where is ours, then? Who is victimized by our relationship? We're consenting adults. We weren't raised together so we don't even really think of each other as siblings. We can't have children to pass on genetic disorders to. And apart from my mother, who was perfectly happy to let us blindly carry on when it suited her, no-one else knows. I understand what these doctors are trying to say, I understand why these discussions need to happen, I just don't think it applies to us."

Thor looked at him sadly.

"What we did was wrong. A lot of people make excuses. It's a natural response."

"I'm not making excuses. I'm stating facts. I still love you and want you and you feel the same, and on top of that, your worries have all come to nothing. My mother told me, not you. And I couldn't give a shit about shared blood. Both problems solved, good, we can be together."

"It's more complicated than..."

"Jesus, Thor, when did you become a robot? Can you even hear yourself?"

And now Thor's expression grew stormy, a slight edge of anger creeping into his voice.

"I'm not a robot. If I was, I'd do anything you wanted, wouldn't I? You'd just build me that way."

"Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare bring that up. Yes, I built a virtual you, a substitute, in my desperation. But you had a virtual me built exclusively so you could fuck it."

"Except I didn't, did I? That's what I thought I was doing and hating myself every moment, but unknown to me, I really paid a lot of money for the privilege of being raped."

It was like a knife into Loki's heart, that word, that accusation that he couldn't deny because he had, he had tricked Thor into sex, that's what it was. He had lied and, yes, he had taken advantage and he couldn't say he hadn't. A strangled sob slipped out and he couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm sorry."

He buried his head in his arms, trying not to make too much noise, trying not to make a scene in public.

"Hey," he heard Thor saying, sounding far away. "It's OK. I'm not going to press charges or anything. I just said that to... It's alright."

"It's not. I did such an awful thing to you. I... I did, I used you. And now you'll use it as a reason not to be with me and I can't even blame you for it and I'm so sorry..."

A sigh. And then a warm body next to him, big arms wrapping around his shoulders.

"Hey, come on. It's OK. You'll be alright. I'm alright. We'll survive."

Against all logic, he sobbed harder, making a wet spot against Thor's t-shirt, trying to burrow into him and be safe.

"I don't want to survive without you. I want a life with you in it."

"I want that too," Thor whispered, so low that Loki almost didn't hear him. "But we can't. Don't you see that we can't?"

"Why not? I love you."

Thor didn't respond to that, just held Loki a little tighter as he wept and struggled to speak.

"What are we going to do now?"


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realism, what's that?

"Should we do this somewhere more private?"

Loki tried to nod without smearing snot all over Thor.

"Your place?" he asked.

"Sure."

Everyone around must have thought they'd just suffered a bereavement or something, a break-up maybe, from the way Loki was sobbing. He wasn't even sure why anymore. He had no right to cry over it. He wasn't the one tricked. If there was any sense in the world, Thor ought to be the one weeping.

It wasn't far to Thor's apartment and Loki tried to get himself under control before they arrived, managing to climb the stairs with only a few sniffles and an awareness that his eyes were probably going to be very puffy. He was determined to put his emotions aside for a moment. Maybe if he could speak rationally enough, Thor would see reason. He'd been trying to program himself to believe their relationship was wrong but, with the right pushes, programming could be broken.

"Are you going to tell me where you went now?" Loki asked, fighting to keep his voice steady. "What you were up to for five years?"

Thor sighed as he unlocked his door and pushed it open.

"Where do you want to start? The beginning?"

"Actually, no. I want to know about the tattoos first."

Thor barked out a surprised laugh, wandering into his kitchen and waving a diet soda bottle in invitation.

"Huginn and Munnin, the ravens. One represents thought and the other, memory."

"Which is which?" Loki asked, accepting a glass.

"I put memory over my heart. They were part of a program I did about trying to come to terms with past actions and accept them as part of your life. I was trying to accept...certain truths."

Loki raised an eyebrow, hoping for elaboration, but Thor looked away.

"Anyway. One of many things I've paid for despite having very little money. Mjölnir's been the most successful of them, I have to admit. VRité... Well, remains to be seen."

"Did Jane tell you about it? Is that how you ended up there?"

"No. Darcy did. We went to walk the dog and she told me all about Jane's new part-time work. She found it hilarious and... I figured it might be a way to discourage fantasies, like if I had a physical outlet I could wean myself off. Sooner or later, it feels like most things I do come back to you. Got to work to live to carry on to try not to miss you."

"So is that all you've done, then? Just worked crappy jobs and paid for therapy and tried to get over us?"

Thor seemed genuinely offended.

"I was trying to be proactive."

"And how has that worked out for you?"

"Don't."

"It's a genuine question. Has it made you happy or...?"

"What do you want me to say? Of course it hasn't made me happy. I've been miserable, but I chose that. It seemed like the only thing I could do. Why, what have you done for the last five years?"

"I've worked crappy jobs and paid for professional level VR tech to create the closest thing I could get to us. It seemed like the only thing I could do."

"Did it make you happy?"

"Sometimes. Fleetingly. Always left me feeling worse though."

Thor flopped down on his couch, setting it creaking.

"We're so fucked up. This is exactly what I was trying to prevent. I thought you would move on. I thought I would get better. But here we are. Both pulling in different directions and getting nowhere."

Loki sat down next to him, far more carefully. Was now the right time? Thor was acknowledging how messed up they both were, not excluding himself from the diagnosis and blaming the separation for it. Maybe now they could...

"Maybe we don't have to pull apart. Maybe we can start working together again."

Thor didn't say anything like 'what do you mean' or 'what are you talking about' or any other fake expression of ignorance. He knew where this line of thought was going.

"Are you thinking about it?" Loki asked. "About the fact that I'm right and you know it? The fact that we can have everything we want and be happy if you'll just let go? All those years, all that therapy, but it hasn't really worked. You still want me, don't you? And nothing bad will happen if you just give in..."

And now Thor was definitely refusing to look at him, refusing to risk glancing at his face. Loki leant in, closer, invading his personal space.

"Loki..."

There was an attempt at threat in his voice, but forced. Already his defences were failing. Loki dared a little more, reaching out to touch Thor's hair.

"You were afraid that I'd be disgusted once I knew," he said carefully. "But I don't care. I want to be with you. I love you. Come here... Just let go. Don't worry."

He pressed a kiss to the very top of his step-br... His half-brother's head.

"We can't do this..." Thor said, sounding very unsure of his own voice.

"Why not?" Loki whispered.

"It's... It's wrong..."

He was wavering and Loki took his glass out of his hand, setting them both on the floor and bringing his feet up onto the couch.

"It's not hurting anyone."

He leant in, planting little kisses down Thor's jaw, trying to coax him round. And Thor wasn't making any effort to join him, but he wasn't resisting, he wasn't pushing away... Maybe he needed Loki to make the first move to assuage his guilt over the first time they'd done this.

It was a difficult manoeuvre to lean all the way around to find Thor's lips, but he managed it. And it took a little while from there to get Thor's lips to part, but the first sensation of a tongue against his had him moaning shamelessly, finally convincing Thor to turn, to move, to get up onto the couch and crawl over Loki, to touch...

Oh, yes, this was what he'd missed. What he'd been craving, what no virtual model could recreate. The warmth and touch of hands over and under and around and between, unpredictability, a slight nibble at a lower lip, a striving forward, yes, yes...

"Mmm, Thor..."

No reply other than a kind of growl, Thor's hands seeming to send his nerves dancing as he thrust them under Loki's shirt, feeling the flesh there properly, moaning into Loki's mouth as he returned the favour, getting a firm grip on Thor's flanks and kissing, endless kissing.

This was happening much faster than he'd expected. Maybe what was so easy to cling to in public was harder for Thor to keep hold of away from strangers' eyes and with temptation literally throwing itself across a couch at him. This was like magic, like it used to be, just the two of them all alone and safe where no-one could tell them what to do...

Thor's phone rang suddenly, the tone shrill, and he jumped, biting down just a fraction too hard and making Loki yelp.

Oh, he was going to murder whoever it was for breaking the spell between them, for making Thor back hurriedly away, frowning, tugging his shirt down. Even a short phone call could give Thor enough time to overthink and then he'd deliver another lecture and the dance would start all over again...

"Hello? Oh, hi, Jane. Yeah, I'm fine. Er... Uh-huh. He's actually here. We were just discussing a few things. Sure, you can talk to him."

He held out his phone for Loki to take, tonguing gingerly at the tender spot on his lip where Thor's teeth had sunk in.

"Hi, Jane."

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said, making him half-smile and shake his head. "Fandral wants you to come in tomorrow to talk about the future of the group."

"He's firing me, isn't he?"

"I honestly don't know. Sure, you're a liability, but you're also really good at what you do. I'm not sure. But you're OK? Thor's OK? Forgiven you for tricking him into sex and kidnapping his dog?"

"Seems so."

"Alright. You're adults. I'm sure you can sort things out in an adult fashion."

"Yeah. We're having a really good discussion."

Thor frowned at him, clearly not amused.

"OK. See you soon, Loki."

He hung up, tossing the phone onto the other chair and lounged back, arching his back languidly.

"Where were we?" he purred sounding far more confident than he felt.

Thor surveyed him and sagged.

"I was trying to tell you we couldn't do this and letting you do it anyway."

Loki ran the tip of one sock along Thor's thigh.

"Is that so terrible?" he asked. "Agreeing to what you want?"

"I don't think I know what is and isn't terrible anymore."

Oh, that was not a notion they were going to think about now. Back on track, back on track, come back...

"I was going to suggest that we go back to my place, actually."

Thor looked at him strangely.

"And what do you suggest will happen there?"

"Anything you want."

Thor shook his head sadly.


	23. Chapter 23

"What?" Loki demanded, subtlety abandoned. "Why?"

"I'm not comfortable going back to your place. If anything is going to happen, I want it on my terms this time."

That was reasonable. More than reasonable. Which was irritating. Thor had not been being reasonable so why start now?

On the other hand, he was expecting something to happen. Was he anticipating something physical maybe? Wanting it now he'd had a little taste of passion again?

"Sure," Loki said. "Whatever you want, remember? You want to stay here, we'll stay."

Thor nodded vaguely.

"Do you want to go further?" he asked while Loki tried desperately not to roll his eyes. "Would it be better if we talked everything out first?"

"Ssh," Loki said, pressing a finger to his lips. "Stop thinking so much. Enjoy this now, talk later. I promise not to be angry about anything you have to say if you set it aside just for right now and give us both what we want..."

His heart pounded in his chest when Thor made the first move to resume their kissing. Coming round _and_ listening? This was going better than he could have hoped.

Back when they were younger, they'd enjoyed very long make-out sessions. Thursday nights, knowing no-one would be home until late, but too lazy to go upstairs to where the lube was, they could spend hours tasting each other, Loki pressed into the couch by Thor's bulk or squirming in his lap, neither one wanting to make this more sexual than it was, preferring endless, burning need to short-lived satisfaction.

That did not seem the case tonight. Thor seemed to be trying to touch him everywhere at once.

"Mmph... Mm, this couch is too small..."

He was slightly disappointed that Thor didn't pick him up bodily like he used to, instead pulling him by the arm through to his bedroom.

"You're wearing too many clothes," Thor muttered.

"Well, why don't you fix that?"

He raised his arms above his head to let Thor tug his shirt off, running his hands up and down his ribs, instantly seeking out distinguishing marks before falling to his knees to yank his jeans down.

"This scar..." he said, tracing a mark on Loki's leg with his fingertip. "You broke a plate and one of the shards caught you. But you didn't have this at VRité."

"Make-up. Magical stuff."

"Of course. I'd have recognised it anywhere. I'd have known it was you."

He ran his tongue up it and Loki's knees nearly buckled. Thor's whole being was filled with latent eroticism and all of it was inexplicably directed at him.

And when Thor took his cock in his mouth...

"Ah, fuck..."

It was just a quick bob or two and then Loki found his back hitting the lumpy bed, fingers gripping the sheets as Thor took off his own clothes, revealing inch after inch of skin that could now be tasted and touched and Loki ached for it, trying to drag him down on top.

"Not yet. I've missed this too much."

He slipped back down Loki's body, stroking as he went before running his tongue up the underside of his shaft, looking up all the while to gauge reaction. Loki reflexively bucked upwards, getting a chuckle for his efforts.

"Seems like you have too."

"More... Oh, God, Thor, please..."

He whimpered, eyes slamming shut as he was engulfed in wondrous warmth, Thor doing something magical with his tongue, sending ripples of pleasure through him.

"Fu-uck!"

Hums of encouragement from Thor, really going for it now, using one hand to stroke the base and the other to hold back the worst of Loki's thrusts which threatened to accidentally choke him.

It had been so long... How many nights had he dreamt of this, waiting up hard and leaking, images of Thor's mouth spread open dancing through his mind?

Back in the present, if he managed to look down he caught sight of blue eyes watching him, narrowing with concentration as Thor traced the patterns of veins and tongued at his slit. And that look, that sinful, beautiful expression, drove him wild.

"Fuck... Yeah, keep going... Oh, God, yes..."

He wanted to watch Thor swallow as he came, but pleasure made him toss his head back, overwhelmed by the sensations.

"Mmm..." Thor rumbled as he let Loki's cock slip from between his lips. "You taste exactly the same."

Loki was almost trembling, trying to wrestle Thor onto his back to return the favour, moaning as Thor's fingers knotted in his hair in just the same way as they had so long ago.

He knew his brother's body well, years of practice coming rushing back, knowing when to suck hard and when to tease, when it was safe to bob forward and when to just stay still and let Thor buck helplessly into his mouth.

It didn't take long for him to be making Thor whimper and beg, even less time to make him come and find himself dragged up the bed to be held close. They found themselves in a familiar position, Loki lying with his head resting on Thor's chest, though being face to wing with either Huginn or Munnin was a little different.

After a moment though, Thor sighed.

"What's wrong?"

Surely he couldn't be having second thoughts. Not after that. Surely even Thor couldn't go back to talking morality after having Loki's cock in his mouth mere minutes before.

"Just... These past five years. All the moving, all the money, the times I didn't eat, all that therapy and medical bills and... None of it worked. I still love you, still want you. I'm still yours. I always will be."

"And you're...upset about that?"

"More like...I'm upset about the waste. All that suffering that I caused you. So much wasted time that I could have spent with you."

Loki rolled with a distinct lack of dignity until he was looking into Thor's face.

"Then let's not waste any more. Live with me again. Move out of this awful apartment and come live with me. Let's find a place together, you and me. And Mjölnir. Be us again."

Thor smiled softly and stroked Loki's hair, pushing him back down to rest on his chest once more.

"OK," he said, sighing. "Can't live without you, so better live with you. But before anything else happens... if I'm going to throw all that counselling away and accept this relationship for better or worse, I do have one condition."

"What?"

"You need to delete that virtual me."

Loki didn't reply straight away, just listening to Thor breathe for a few moments.

"Of course," he said after a while. "Of course I will."

He tried to stamp on the slight feeling of trepidation swelling through him as Thor softly kissed his head.


	24. Chapter 24

This was stupid.

_Stupid._

Virtual Thor wasn't real, the clue was in the name. But then again, he was the product of five years of work and expense and...

And what? He was not Thor. He couldn't compare, not really. All this time, he'd been talking to himself.

But part of him still felt like he owed the model somehow for keeping him company all this time. To apologise or something. And then...

Stop thinking of it as killing. It's not killing. You can't kill something not alive. And he needed to do this for Thor, to be with him.

And in return, Thor was accepting them. He was throwing away five years and a lot of money and hard work trying to break himself, he was admitting that he was wrong, which was a lot to ask of one so convinced.

He was forgiving Loki for all the lies and for...for taking advantage. For stalking him. For kidnapping his dog. For everything.

And then there were those throwaway comments about not eating and money troubles. He'd put himself through a lot for no reason and he'd been through it alone. At least doing this, Loki would gave the other half of his soul with him to help him through. It would be better. No more burning obsession or painful lonely nights.

But what if something went wrong? What if Thor left again, what if...?

No. No more 'what if's. No more. Just future. Just life.

He had to do this.

He still put it off for as long as possible, going to VRité first to find out if he was sacked yet.

"I shouldn't even be talking to you, you know," Fandral said. "I should be changing the locks and calling the cops."

"I know. I'm sorry. I was desperate."

"You kidnapped his dog. His _dog._ I don't even know what kind of things would drive you to do that."

"I know. It was stupid of me. I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want me to work here anymore."

Fandral held his hands in mock-surrender.

"Whoa, now," he said. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Yes, you did a lot of stupid, reckless, irresponsible things. Yes, I should fire you on the spot. But on the other hand, I've calculated that within six months, at current growth, this place will be running at a higher profit than ever before. I didn't do that. You did, and Jane with her knowledge of the inner female mind. I'd feel bad throwing you out if everything's sorted between you and Thor. No harm, no foul. Everything...is sorted, right?"

"Yeah," Loki heard himself say. "Or at least it will be."

Fandral looked a little unsure.

"Take a bit of time off, Loki. Do what you need to do."

He nodded. And he knew exactly what he had to go through with now.

He went home and compulsively cleaned everything. Thor was coming soon. The whole place ought to be nice for him. Fresh.

And only after he'd vacuumed everywhere and scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom and changed the sheets did he discover he'd almost run out of things to do. Couldn't put it off any longer.

He slipped the headset on and watched as virtual Thor came into being beside him.

"Are you OK?" he asked immediately. "You left so suddenly last time we spoke. Is everything alright?"

Loki sank onto his (newly cleaned) couch and patted the seat next to him.

"I need to talk to you."

Virtual Thor's face was full of concern as he explained that the unknown user had been the real Thor. That they'd agreed to try again, to be together. He skipped a few major points in the story, but everything that needed to be known was.

"Thing is...he's not comfortable with you in the house. He feels threatened maybe. And so he's asked me to... To..."

"Delete me?"

Loki nodded, his lips pressed tightly together.

He felt the artificial warmth of Thor's hand touching his shoulder.

"It's alright. You need the real thing. I won't ever be enough for you. Don't feel guilty. I just want you to be happy."

"But..." Loki stammered. "But I love you. I do."

"No. You love him. And that's what matters. If you have to let me go, that's what you have to do. And then you'll have real arms and real lips, a real Thor. I was always just a substitute after all."

Loki couldn't help the ache in his heart. It still felt like something was ending. He couldn't...

"Ssh... Darling, don't be upset. You're getting what you really need."

"But I have... I have to get rid of you."

"Why would you keep me? You'll have him. You won't need me anymore. And that means I've fulfilled my purpose. I gave you something to love until he came back to you. I hoped this day would come. It's what you need."

"I'm going to miss you."

"Oh, Loki. Come here. Kiss me once more. And then switch me off."

It was easier said than done. The slight tingle of lips against his cheek, the little smile full of hope. He didn't want to do this, but he wanted his Thor, the real Thor, back even more.

At the dock, his fingers hovered over the delete button.

Five years. Five years he'd managed with virtual Thor. He was about to step into uncertainty, towards something unknown and unpredictable and....

Suddenly his phone was in his hand and he was waiting to hear Thor's voice.

"I'm going to do it," he said. "Delete it. But I want you to be here..."

"I trust you. I don't need proof or anything..."

"No, I... I want you to be with me for support. It's harder than I expected."

"I'm on my way. Sit tight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick heads up to day that I'm on vacation starting today - I should be able to get online every morning to post the next chapter, and I'll do my best to respond to all comments, though possibly not as promptly as normal. Thanks for understanding.


	25. Chapter 25

He could still remember the day he'd activated virtual Thor. Come to think of it, it hadn't been a full five years earlier. More like four and a half.

The real one had been gone for six months and Loki was exhausted and lonely and starting to fray around the seams. He couldn't cope like this. He felt like he hadn't spoken for a long time, not for anything other than necessity anyway. Greeting the cashier in the grocery store. Asking for a return bus ticket. Trying to convince people not to hang up on him at work.

He'd had a basic VR unit in his closet, but he was no expert, not then. He'd played around a little, that was all. But still...any Thor was better than no Thor.

Come to think of it, Thor version #1 had been very basic. He knew his name and he responded to verbal cues, but he could never have reacted to complex emotions like his final version could.

"Hello," he'd said, the voice all wrong to start with. "What is my name? What should I call you?"

"Your name is Thor. And I am Loki."

A first smile.

"OK, Loki. My name is Thor. I am pleased to meet you."

So long ago. And from there his obsession had grown, getting better and better at coding, buying upgrade after upgrade, trying desperately to regain even a fraction of what he'd lost.

Virtual Thor had become a bigger presence in his life. He'd acquired better and more refined expressions. He'd learned all about their life before. In many ways, he had been Thor, or at least Loki's interpretation of him. He'd been missing crucial things though. Childhood memories. Spontaneous emotions. Emotions full stop, really.

The knock at the door seemed to take too long to come, but at the same time, waving the real Thor inside seemed to be happening far too soon.

Loki couldn't bring himself to speak. He led Thor over to the unit, grounding himself in the warmth of his hand, placing it on his shoulder as he took a deep breath, positioned the cursor and closed his eyes.

Click.

He let out a long exhale he hadn't known he was holding, but stayed in the moment for a little longer.

"Darling," Thor said softly. "You have to click that you're sure."

Oh, no. No, he wasn't sure. What if this was all wrong?

"I can't."

"Of course you can. I'm here. I've got you."

Thor's hand on his, guiding, a solid presence at his back.

Click.

He could feel the tears in the back of his head threatening at any moment to spill over out of his eyes.

"Hey, look at me," Thor said, swiveling his chair and kneeling down to cup his face in an achingly familiar way. "I am so proud of you. That was difficult and you managed it. I love you. Well done."

Loki managed a slightly sniffly laugh.

"Therapy techniques, huh?"

"That obvious?"

"Mm. It's nice though. What's the medical view on cuddling?"

Thor eased him to his feet, shutting off the VR unit as subtly as he could.

"Cuddling is very good and healthy if you want it. Come on. Let it all out."

It was like permission. Loki was sobbing by the time they were arranged on the couch, Thor flat out and just holding him as he wept and cried into his chest. It felt like a real loss, a real death. He couldn't explain it even to himself.

He'd been alone all this time. Really. And he'd become strangely used to that. Now that the ache was gone, worry was able to seep in, to take over, and in his fear he almost missed the pain and wanted it back. It was familiar and safe. Change was scary.

But then again, the sheer level of acceptance he was getting now was not what he had expected. This was no stranger. It was Thor. Thor knew his heart better than he did, probably. He was content to lie still, just softly running his hands comfortingly over Loki's back as he sobbed.

Eventually, it seemed to subside. He even dozed, soothed by the steady rise and fall of Thor's chest and the gentle sound of his heartbeat.

He gripped on when Thor tried to move, crawling up his body to be face to face.

"I was just going to fix dinner and get you some water. Is that alright?"

"No... No, stay here. Kiss me."

Thor raised his eyebrows but allowed it. And again. And again...

"Mmm... Not that I mind this... Mmph... But shouldn't we eat and talk a little?"

"No. No, this first. Talk later."

"There's something I need to tell you."

"Later!"

He felt Thor sigh, but he was arching upwards, running his hands over Loki's back and striving upwards for more.

Which was exactly what Loki wanted too as he started trying to attack the fastening of Thor's jeans.

"Hey..." Thor mumbled. "Hey, not so fast."

"Faster..."

Thor chuckled but pulled back. 

"I really think we ought to talk about...things."

"Later," Loki insisted for the third time. "I'm sure whatever it is can wait. If we talk first, we'll get tired."

"Oh, and sex won't make us tired? Well known for its non-exhaustive properties?"

"No, but it will relax us and release loads of endorphines and so then we can talk properly without all the tension in the air. And it will make me feel better. I'm very sad and you need to help."

He leant back in, laying kiss after kiss on Thor's face.

"You know, sex shouldn't technically be used as therapy... It can be dangerously addictive."

"Thor, really? Come on. I've been bad and I need to get fucked by your nice, thick cock..."

He was treated to the sight of Thor looking equal parts amused and surprised, blushing even.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"I thought you liked it. You asked me for dirty talk."

He didn't mean to bring up the VRité incidents, but Thor had wanted to be spoken to like this. He'd liked it. It had made him come so hard...

"Oh, that, that's... That was just a fantasy. I'll be embarrassed doing it for real."

Technically they'd already done it for real. But now wasn't the time to mention that. Now was the time to go in for the kill.

"Oh, so you don't want to hear about how I'm aching for you to take me to bed and spread me open, fill me up nice and deep? You don't want to hear me crying out for you? 'Oh, Thor, yes... Mm, harder... Oh, yeah, fuck me, make me come-'"

He squeaked as Thor slammed their mouths together, dragging Loki down and grinding up against him. It took them several minutes to manage to get to Loki's bed, falling down upon it and ripping at each other's clothes.

The bottle of lube was brand new and Thor struggled a little with the seal, finally managing to break it open and squirt a generous amount onto his fingers. Loki's chest was heaving, wordlessly spreading his legs apart for a touch he hadn't felt in such a long time.

Thor's pupils were blown open as he circled one finger around Loki's hole, spreading slick all around the outside before trying to push in.

"Want me to talk?" Loki asked. "Want to know how it feels for me?"

Thor nodded, his breathing coming harsh and sharp.

"Well, I love your fingers. So thick. Mmm, yes. Another. Give me another, please..."

But Thor was teasing, slowly pumping in and out several more times before giving him a second.

"Yeah... Oh, yes. Spread me open. Get me ready for you. Ah! Oh, yeah, there."

Thor smiled slightly predatorily, pressing upwards to find Loki's prostate, rubbing against it to make him keen.

"You got a condom?"

"I... We don't need one. I swear. And I want to feel it, want to feel you filling me. God, I want your cock. Give it to me. Come on."

Before long, Thor was between his legs, leaning down to capture his lips and moan gently into his mouth. The head of his cock pressed against Loki's entrance, feeling like a reunion. This was somehow important, a physical proof of Thor coming back. Loki looped both arms around him, holding him close, trying to get as much skin contact as possible, proving to himself that this was real.

Thor cried out as he slid home, panting slightly, looking into Loki's eyes in wonder as they began to move together.

And being able to move, to buck upwards was wonderful, Loki adding his strength to each of Thor's thrusts, making them deeper and firmer, his cock leaking between their bodies.

"Oh, Thor... Fuck..."

"Loki... God, I love you."

He wanted to respond, but it was lost against Thor's mouth, his cries muffled even as they grew louder and louder.

"Fuck," Thor breathed. "I'm close. Touch yourself, you have to come first."

Hanging on the edge, it didn't take Loki long before he was shaking apart, spilling over his stomach and hand. Thor moaned, feeling his body clench, but not quite there yet.

"Come on, Thor. Come for me. I need to feel it, need you to fill me up. I love you. I love you..."

A groan and he felt the first twitch and pulse of Thor's cock deep within him, so warm and right.

Loki clung tight to Thor afterwards, refusing to let him roll away.

"Stay in me a little longer?" he asked. "I like having you inside."

"I wish I could stay inside you forever."

Not the most practical of wishes perhaps, but Loki couldn't deny that it was true.

He'd suffered a big loss. But maybe virtual Thor had been right. Maybe he'd just needed something to pour his affection into in the gap, the break before the real Thor came back to him. Maybe it was for the best.


	26. Chapter 26

It couldn't last. Not long enough. A little shuffle at the wrong time and Thor's softened cock slipped free. But they remained tightly entwined until Thor started speaking, his voice buzzing a little against Loki's ear.

"I really do need to tell you something. About what happened during our time apart."

Loki stiffened immediately. He had a child. He'd been in jail. He'd told someone else about their true relationship. He had some kind of illness.

"What?"

Thor shifted to be slightly more comfortable.

"I, er... I quit my job when I first left. And I started temping elsewhere and all of that, but... It wasn't enough to distract me from missing you. And I... Something happened to me."

"What? What was it?"

"I developed a bit of a problem."

Loki rolled, leaking a little, really concerned now.

"What... What kind of problem? Drink? Not drugs, surely?"

"No, not that. Nothing like that. It stemmed from how powerless I felt. How out of control over my own life. I didn't even notice at first. I thought I was just focused and careful, I had no idea that I was so far gone until I ended up in hospital."

"What on earth was it?"

A heavy sigh.

"I developed a disorder on the same spectrum as anorexia. Food intake was something I could control. Something I could measure. I poured a lot of energy into exercise and occupied myself with obsessively controlling what went into my body. I used various supplements, vitamin tablets and so on. But I was starving myself. Starting to lose muscle because there was nothing in my body to replenish it with. But... Anyway before we move in together, you have to know that... that I have this illness. In case I relapse. It's unlikely, I am out of the danger zone statistically but I might. I'll keep improving, but the risk is always there."

Loki was stunned. People like Thor didn't get things like anorexia. Why would he? He had never had any kind of self-esteem issues or anything like that.

"But you're... We went for dinner. We had cake in the café."

But come to think of it, Thor hadn't finished his meal. He hadn't touched the cakes. He hadn't even taken sugar in his coffee, even though he used to hate it unsweetened... How many other clues had he missed? Had he ever actually seen Thor eat properly, like he used to?

Oh, God, that's why his hair was so thin, and he hadn't even noticed...

"I'm much better now. I go to meetings and I have behaviour therapy to help me stay on track. Having Mjölnir helped. Having someone else that I had to buy food for made it easier to convince myself to eat in a healthier way. But you'll have noticed that I'm still..."

"I know you're thin, but I... I thought you'd been impoverished. Unable to afford food. I never thought that you'd be sick. Not this kind of sick."

It was amazing how calm he was. Loki wondered how he was managing. He must have practised getting it out, practised telling him.

"I did use that as an excuse rather a lot. Couldn't afford food, had to pay for gym membership. It's quite unusual in my demographic. I'm ripe for steroid abuse really. But... Yeah, my relationship with food is still a little off. Just so you know. Sometimes I really have to be reminded to have regular meals and that hunger isn't normal. I have pretty hefty schedules to remind myself to eat and to eat enough."

"How can I...help?"

Thor nuzzled absentmindedly into his hair.

"Hopefully you won't have to. I just wanted to be honest. To let you know."

They lay still a while longer, Loki's mind whirring, trying to figure out where he could find information about this. Why did Thor have pamphlets for everything else but not this?

"Are you alright?" Thor asked.

"Yeah. I'm just sad that... that you're sick."

"I'm getting better. Come on. Let's make dinner. And maybe afterwards we can call my dad and give him the good news."

"Hmm?"

"That we're going to try living together again. He'll be thrilled. He was forever telling me to get back in touch, that we'd both be happier. I guess he was right. For once."

Loki kissed him firmly. For a mad second, he'd thought Thor was going to tell Odin that he had three biological children.

But then again, Odin knew he had three sons. Blood wasn't important.


	27. Chapter 27

Loki woke up with a warm arm around him and a pleasant ache in certain lower muscles. It was highly tempting to stay exactly where he was, to roll closer even, but a little scrabbling brought his clock into view and told him that he really ought to get up.

He managed to extract himself from Thor's grasp, turning to look at him from the doorway. The accentuated ratio between his shoulders and waist, the slight undulation over his spine. These were things he would normally find attractive as parts of Thor, but now any change in his body could be a sign of his illness. He was horrified by the very notion of it, the idea of Thor fading away to nothing.

He got the feeling that Odin and Frigga had known, but didn't know just how very ill Thor had been. They did indeed seem very pleased that the two of them had got back together and were willing to try again. Thor had even provisionally agreed that they could go and stay for a few days later in the year.

Loki was trying to hide his concern. He'd tried not to note exactly how much Thor was and wasn't eating. If he hadn't known, he'd never have paid so much attention. Thor had definitely caught him staring, but had diplomatically not mentioned it.

A shower later and he was stepping out if the bathroom, toweling off his hair.

"Coffee?" Thor asked, kissing his cheek.

"Please. Got to go to work, but you can take the spare keys. Get some stuff. Get Mjölnir."

He didn't really want to leave in case Thor vanished again. But he had to have faith. He had to trust that he would still be there when he got home.

At work over lunch, he tried to do some research into eating disorders. It was highly rare in men, or at least the standard definition was. There seemed to be some debate about it. There wasn't a great deal of information with how little he actually knew. Was this an exclusively limiting disorder, or did he purge as well? Was that something he'd have to look out for? Would he have to stand outside the bathroom listening for sounds of gagging?

Part of him knew that really the best thing he could do would be to act as though everything was normal. He should rely on medical and theraputic experts to know what they were doing. But he knew he was going to be nervous about this for a long time.

By the time he got home, he was almost shaking with worry.

Laughter was not what he expected to hear.

He walked in to find Thor sitting with Jane and someone he didn't recognise, presumably the famous Darcy while Mjölnir scampered around the room.

For a moment, he stood in the doorway watching, struck by the novelty of real people in his house. Then Thor spotted him and slid to the left, making space for him to sit, an arm falling casually around his waist. Comfortable. As it was meant to be.

"We'd finished carrying almost all of my stuff up and decided a rest was called for," Thor explained, waving vaguely at a small pile of plastic bags filled with clothing and dog-related items by the looks of them.

Loki simply leant against him, enjoying the hum of voices, the sense of easy intimacy, friendship and home.

"Are you fired, Loki?" Jane asked. "From VRité I mean."

"Oddly enough, no. Fandral still wants my skills. And I'd like to continue, assuming Thor's comfortable with it."

"Of course. You clearly enjoy it. Build everyone's models and come home to me," Thor said. "Use your skills. Make people happy."

It was just what Loki intended to do.

Once the ladies had taken their leave, Loki cleared room for Thor's clothes and other belongings, storage space in the bathroom and laid out Mjölnir's bed before taking her for an evening walk. Not that he thought she'd sleep in it; she'd probably try sleeping in the main bed with them or at least nearby. He was not going to sleep with a third body, no matter how much she whined at him.

They fell into bed early, tired from the exertions of the day. The mattress dipped slightly, their own weight pushing them into orbit with one another.

And that meant kisses. Long, lingering and passionate, followed by quick little pecks and gentle nibbles of lips and ears, each content to bask in their love.

It's possible that they would have continued all night had the door not creaked open as Mjölnir pushed against it, determined to jump up and join them as predicted, getting disgruntled when Thor continuously put her down on the floor.

Eventually they dragged the basket into the room as a sort of compromise. A temporary compromise, Loki insisted. He didn't want to be watched during intimate moments, even if she was only a dog.

Still...with Thor next to him, a comforting warm figure, and the soothing sound of Mjölnir sighing gently in her slumber, Loki had easily his best night of sleep in five years.

He couldn't wait to get used to this.


	28. Eight and a half months later...

"Lokiiiiiii!"

A small bundle of energy barrelled into him, knocking into his empty stomach.

"Loki, will you build me a pirate ship?"

"Balder," Frigga said sternly. "I think Loki wants to have breakfast before you start pestering him."

The small figure dutifully clambered back up to the table, patting the seat next to him with one porridge-smeared hand. Loki cautiously took the one opposite.

It wasn't that he particularly disliked children, he just wasn't sure how to talk to them or react to their emotional shifts. But learning that he could build essentially anything on the VR machine, Balder seemed to consider him some kind of wizard and Loki found himself with a near-constant companion asking him to create imaginative virtual panoramas for his play room.

Which was a lot of fun, he had to admit. So far through the week he'd created a world of dinosaurs, an alien planet and a castle interior complete with faux-medieval portraits of the whole family. They were deemed to be much better than the downloadable ones, and of course Balder could keep them on file and switch between them whenever a game demanded it. It was definitely a change from making endless naked people.

Loki was trying to figure out a way to make chests of treasure glow with the jewels concealed within when Thor appeared, hair damp from showering, and stole one of Loki's neatly buttered slices of toast.

He'd allow it. In the months since they'd been back together, he'd really started to see Thor growing back to how he used to be. He was still beneath his goal weight, but his therapist was marking good progress and his face had begun to fill out again, a healthy layer of new muscle concealing his ribs and new flesh at his hips. The latter was Loki's favourite part, warm, soft places that he could grip and squeeze and lay his hand on when they stood side by side.

"What's the plan for today then?" Thor asked, a little muffled.

"Well, when your father surfaces," Frigga said. "I thought we could take a little drive out to the big lake and go for a long walk. Give Mjölnir a real taste of the countryside."

"Yes, Mjölnir!" Balder cried delightedly.

If there was something he loved more than Loki's coding skills, it was the novelty of a real, live animal in the house. Mjölnir seemed to have endless patience, happy to be played with and petted by little hands for hours on end, falling into a heavy sleep every evening under Thor's chair.

It was certainly nice to get away for a few days. Business at VRité continued to grow, to the point where Fandral now paid him enough that he no longer had to work at the call centre. Thor was looking for something a little more permanent, though at the moment his shifts meant that they sometimes got to share long, lazy mornings together or that Loki could have dinner ready by the time he arrived home.

It was strange, their little world together. But it was theirs, and that's what mattered.

The length of time between deciding on a walk and actually going for one was long, mainly due to the difficulties of readying a small boy. It seemed exhausting. Loki didn't know how anyone coped with it. He occasionally felt pangs of guilt, mainly because Balder was rapidly passing the age Thor had been when Jord died. It was difficult imagining Odin handling parenthood alone.

And as for Laufey...

Thor wrote her emails occasionally. Little snippets of news, what they were doing. It was about forgiveness, he said. What had happened wasn't her fault after all, it was just circumstance. Loki was yet to take the plunge on that front. Maybe one day, but not just yet.

Leaving Frigga wrestling Balder into his jacket, Loki sprinted back upstairs to the room he and Thor were sharing with two single beds hastily pushed together under one sheet, thinking to find his camera.

During his scrambling through the tangled socks of their luggage, he managed to dislodge something that rolled under the bed. He bit his tongue to stop a curse - little ears nearby and all that - and dropped to his knees to reach for it.

A box. A small, fuzzy box. Curious, he opened it and gasped at the sight. There was a perfect silver ring inside, a small white stone set in it, neatly engraved with a tiny T and L on the inner band.

This was...

Oh, God.

He slammed it closed at the sound of approaching footsteps, hiding it back in the suitcase beneath Thor's clothes.

"Alright?" Thor asked from the doorway, eyes flicking from Loki to the luggage with some concern.

"Erm... Actually, I'm feeling just a little tired. They should take Mjölnir for a nice long walk. That way we can rest a little and get lunch ready for when they get back."

"Oh, so I need to rest too?"

"Yes. Your resting is vital."

Thor raised his eyebrows, leaning against the doorframe.

"OK, I don't know why you suddenly want to stay home and...extreme cuddle, but you may need a better excuse than sudden exhaustion."

"Ssh... Just make them leave and I'll slip into something more comfortable for you..."

"Will you now?"

"You'll have to come back and find out."

He knew bringing lube on this trip was a good idea.


	29. Chapter 29

He at least had the decency to go to the bathroom to prep, just in case someone came back upstairs who wasn't Thor, and hurriedly got under the sheets.

It took an age for Thor to return. Loki was almost worried that he'd been made to leave too, but eventually he arrived, tugging off his shirt.

"There is extremely sexy lounging happening under this blanket, by the way," Loki said, knowing that Thor would immediately yank it off, revealing his naked flesh.

"That is sexy. So... What do you suggest we do now?"

"I have a couple of ideas, all of which will be easier if you get out of those shorts..."

Thor smirked at him and crawled onto the bed, obstinately remaining clothed below the waist and catching Loki's wrists when he tried to fix that.

"What's the rush? They won't be back for ages."

Loki squirmed and struggled.

"The rush is that I want you in me right now. Give it to me, come on... Let go."

"Hmm... What will you do with these hands and fingers if I let them go?"

"Touch you," Loki growled. "Run my hands all over you, get rid of those shorts so I can grab you properly..."

He barely got the words out before Thor released him, a little grunt of surprise escaping at how quickly and desperately Loki lunged for him, almost tearing the cotton in his desire for Thor to be free.

"Sit up, against the headboard. Let me get in your lap."

It had been a while since they'd done things this way. Thor's eyes smouldered as Loki prowled his way up and slid into his rightful place, both palms resting gently on his shoulders as he leant in for the first of many kisses, sighing happily at the feeling of Thor's cock hardening against his flesh.

He kept himself under false control, waiting for Thor to snap first.

"Do it, then..."

"Do what, Thor?"

A frustrated sound, eyes falling shut.

"What do you want me to do, exactly? Be specific."

Thor opened his eyes a fraction and gently tangled one hand in Loki's hair, pulling him closer to whisper in his ear.

"I want to fuck you. In fact, I want you to let me slide in all the way and watch as you ride me nice and hard. I want you to fuck yourself on my cock until you come, I want to taste your moans, I want to feel your pleasure and drown in it..."

Loki twisted his head round and brought their lips together, reaching back with one hand to line up and push down, moaning happily as he was filled, the familiar sensation of Thor's cock entering him.

Little motions at first, short actions that soon became full-on bounces, Thor's mouth open around constant moans.

"Oh, fuck, Loki... God, you're incredible. Keep going... Yeah, that's it, there you go... There you go."

His hands had gravitated to Loki's thighs, offering some support and help, adding his returning strength to each lift and drop.

"Is it good? Good for you?"

"So good. I love it. Oh, so deep like this."

It was. No matter how often they did this, Loki always felt like he was somehow experiencing it for the first time. Like his anticipation and memories couldn't match the real feeling of Thor's cock buried within him, hitting against that spot that made him keen.

"Mmm, I love that noise," Thor murmured, angling Loki's hips to hit it again and again. "Want to hear it every night. The sound of how much you love this."

"I love the sound of skin on skin. Love the taste of you."

The harsh rhythm switched to one more suited to kissing, more of a rocking as Loki moved his hips relentlessly, drinking Thor's helpless groans, almost pleading for mercy against this onslaught of sensation, practically yelping as Loki deliberately clenched around him and starting to thrust up hard once more.

"God... Fuck, yes," Loki managed, his voice jolted by the motions. "Yeah, fuck me. Stuff me full and flood me."

Thor growled, the slight dirty talk riling him up as usual.

"Come on, Thor. Nice and hard. Oh, so good."

"You like my cock, huh?"

"Mmm, I love it. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, like that."

"Touch yourself. Come while I'm fucking you."

"Yeah. Yeah, keep going."

He was already close and the added stimulation of a hand was enough to pull him over the edge, gasping and panting and not letting his rhythm falter for even a moment until he felt Thor spill inside him, moving through the burn of too much...

Thor carried him to the bathroom, insisting that it was to minimise risk of leaks, but really Loki suspected that he just wanted to show off that he finally had enough muscle and strength to hold him up for longer than a few seconds.

It was a nice place to be, in Thor's arms, nuzzling into either Huginn or Muninn.

"So..." Thor said as they waited for the hot water to run. "Why the sudden need?"

"Oh... I just accidentally found a little circular token of your love and wanted to demonstrate my affection physically."

Thor smiled, but looked almost embarrassed.

"I knew I should have hidden that better. I was even thinking about getting a virtual one to start with. That way you couldn't have found it accidentally. But I'd have had to get you wearing a headset and then we'd have Balder yelling 'Mom, gross, they're kissing' and nothing sucks the romance out like a child reacting the way children do to kissing..."

He was rambling. Probably just nerves.

"I'm amazed you managed to buy another ring that looks so perfect. What did your first option look like? From the first time, I mean."

Thor looked at him a little strangely.

"It's... It's the same ring. I kept it. Stupid really. But maybe some part of me hoped I might need it some day. Maybe... Maybe some part of me knew."

Loki stepped over the edge of the bath, sitting down with his knees tucked under his chin.

"You know... You haven't actually asked me," he pointed out.

"Do I need to?" Thor asked, getting into the other end to rinse off. "I mean, you know what I'm going to say."

"Of course you have to! What if I say no?"

Thor pouted at him, giving a wonderful impression of Mjölnir when she begged for more food even when she'd had her dinner.

"Loki... Will you marry me?"

Moving forward in the water, Loki turned and lay back against Thor's chest, eager to feel the steady pull of his breathing and the touch of his hands.

"I thought you'd never ask."

He yelped as Thor splashed him and tried to retaliate, quickly ending up kissing again, Thor's thighs wrapped around his hips and water cascading from their bodies.

"Is that a yes, then?"

"Yes."

Thor's kisses stole his breath away, overwhelming his senses and making him float. They were going to get married. He'd never put much thought into it, but the desire to be bound legally as well as emotionally had its appeal.

He settled into Thor's arms for the rest of their bath, placing an ear against his chest to hear his heartbeat.

It was a habit he'd picked up, eager to listen to the steady pulse and to know that Thor was alive. He liked to prove it to himself. He liked to feel that he was with someone living.

Warm.

Solid.

Real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This was a tricky one to get down, I must admit, and an even harder one to end - I hope it was satisfying nonetheless.
> 
> Already thinking about the next one and should be back with it soon enough. It's set in a vaguely defined military-police state in which soldier Thor finds himself captured by criminal Loki for ends he can't quite fathom.
> 
> It's, er...dubious. That's how I'd describe it. It might even end up being called Dubious Intent, but I haven't decided yet. Possibly not.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you soon!


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